Contest: Enter to Win Handmade Accessories

I am delighted to host this contest from Doloris Petunia.

Courtney is offering a $75 gift certificate to her Etsy shop (which, I just found out, has graced the pages of Harper's Bazaar and Cosmo and graced the red carpet at the Emmy's!).

Here's what Courtney has to say about her shop:

I am a custom accessory designer for my own company, Doloris Petunia. All of my pieces are one of a kind, affordable, and made from vintage and antique recycled jewelry. I create custom statement pieces for brides to wear to their weddings (or to dress their bridesmaids and be the special gift as well). I sometimes even will work in pieces that are significant to them (like their grandmothers brooch) or just come up with a design that is fresh, new and always loved.

With a $75 gift certificate, you could score items like the ones featured in these photographs (although these particular items might be sold by the time this contest ends in a week). She is constantly updating her shop with new and exquisite items.



To enter to win a $75 gift certificate plus free shipping:

1. Leave your first name and the first two initials of your last name (one entry per person, please).
   
2. Enter by Tuesday, February 16 at 11:59pm EST.

Happy Entering!

Q & A: Family Drama

It's going to be a marathon week of wedding Q&A. I have so many great questions that are backing up, and I really want to get them out to you! (Although we also have a contest coming up!) Without further ado...

Reader's Question: I love your practical advice for wedding stuff--was hoping you could help me with my own little issue. I did not envision any real drama at my wedding as my large extended family gets along fairly well, and I couldn't foresee anything popping up. Then something did, that puts me right in the middle of my divorced parents.

My parents met and married out of high school, and divorced about 20 years ago. My mum, about 10 years later, had a fling with one of my dad's best friends from high school (who had been a mutual friend back in the day) that was short-lived and the guy was not super cool (bit sleazy). But my dad seemed unfazed and continued to be his friend. Right after the affair, my mum met the man who is now her fiance and most solidly her life partner. But he knew about the affair, and as a lovely but slightly insecure guy, prefers to not even hear his name (I mentioned the man's recent wedding to my mom last year, and he left the room. Ugh.)

Anyhoo, my wedding venue has a limited capacity, as does our budget. We are lucky because all our parents are helping out. However my dad got some advice from friends at work that because he is pitching-in, he is entitled to invite some of his own friends. It means some of my people can't come, but I suppose that is the price for accepting money and that's fine. But guess who he insists on inviting? This old friend (and his wife). Don't like the guy, he treated my mom poorly and my stepdad-figure will be possibly upset on the day (for better or worse). I have mentioned to my father this fact (he and the stepdad get along just fine) that there could be problems on the day, and he basically said that he doesn't care and he wants his friend there. Had to tell my mum, she is not happy, and their up-to-now civilized relationship seems shaky. I don't want the guy there, because I don't want to be looking over my shoulder on the day making sure that all my parent figures are getting along. Do I have the right to put my foot down? I have expressed my opinion only to be rebuffed. Can I use an excuse such as numbers? I have to compile my invite list soon...ugh. Thanks so much!

I try not to think in such a black-and-white way if I can help it, but in this situation, I honestly see only one right answer: the "sleazy" dude is not invited to the wedding. Period. Case closed.

You're right when you say your dad "is pitching in" and so is therefore "entitled to invite some of his own friends." You hit the nail on the head when you say "that is the price for accepting money."

But seriously, it is not okay for your dad to play the money card by inviting someone who literally makes you and other family members uncomfortable. Even though he is his contributing financially, it is still your wedding. It's your opportunity to share your love and commitment with your nearest and dearest. If your dad wants to spend quality time with his friend, he can invite him out for dinner 364 other days of the year. If he wants to share your wedding with his friend, he can bring along the photos.

I don't mean to sound so negative. I am just a wee-bit outraged that your family members are putting you through this. It's stressful enough to coordinate a big party and maintain your other life priorities and battle the Wedding Industrial Complex and placate a zillion people with a zillion different opinions--without having to fight with your father about something so asinine.

I say, stick to your guns. You know your dad better than I do, so I don't know the best way to communicate your resolution to him. Maybe you need to be more aggressive and resolute? Maybe you need to cry and let him see how much this situation is hurting you? Maybe you need to beg him to change his mind?

(P.S. If it ends up not working and the guy gets invited, don't fret about it. Seriously. I know I just ranted about how the battle is worth fighting (and I hope you win). But if, for some reason, it doesn't work out and the guy gets invited, do not worry about it. I repeat: Do not worry about it. Let it go. You are not responsible for the discomfort that your step-dad and/or mom might feel. You are not responsible for diffusing the tension on your wedding day. Your job is to do your best to create a good situation and then let it all go and actually enjoy the day. Immerse yourself in it. Bask in it. Do not let family baggage take any piece of the pleasure away from you.)

Okay, I am officially stepping off my soapbox. Please, 2000dollarwedding kindred spirits, chime in. Your insight into the last Q&A was so delightful. You all are so, so smart and helpful!

Collecting & Developing Ideas

Beautiful photo courtesy of cakies

I don't have much planned for the weekend except a really fun fundraiser for the public Montessori school where I teach. It's a free pancake breakfast. We raise money through donations and a silent auction. My class is making a quilt with all their photographs and a scrapbook. I'm also auctioning off a Saturday morning at my house with a sewing lesson, a cooking lesson (make your own pizza, french fries, and ice-cream!), and some play time with Hoss and the chickens. Can't wait! (I'm crossing my fingers we finish the quilt in time...)

Here are some links that might give you some ideas of things to do:

1. Make your own calendar with this overview from Young House Love (they will be posting the template soon.
2. Kristina over at Lovely Morning recommends a parenting book called Nurture Shock. I just logged into the Houston Public Library and put a hold request on it. It will be delivered to my nearby branch. Hooray!
3. Make your own love garland for Valentine's Day (or your, um, wedding!) with directions from Rubyellen via cakies.
4. Download these free tags from Twig & Thistle and attach them to your beloved's toothbrush to convey your love. So cute.

Enjoy your Friday and your weekend!

Postcard #2: Leisurely Breakfasts on the Patio

There are a lot of in-between moments associated with a wedding. There are moments that don't fall into the buckets of "ceremony," "reception," "rehearsal dinner."

Take this moment, for example. We were on the back patio of the B&B where we stayed with most of our friends, which also happened to be the location of the welcome picnic and reception. There are tables that aren't shown in the photo. This one happens to contain my best friend (the one with only the back of his head showing), some of my closest friends from college, and one of my Montessori teaching colleagues. My ex-boyfriend, Jeff, is wearing a tutu because of a bet he lost with our other friend, Paul (something about an LSAT score). My former college roommate, Marsha, is taking the picture. I'm wearing my most comfortable ensemble: pajama pants, flip-flops, and sunglasses.

This is how we spent every morning of the entire weekend. On Friday, there were only a handful of friends who had arrived the evening before and were able to join us for breakfast. On Saturday and Sunday, the group swelled. On Monday, it was down to just two of my good friends.

Each morning, we would congregate on the patio and indulge in a delicious breakfast cooked by the innkeepers, Cathy and Cory. Matt and I intentionally planned to spend the first two hours of the day this way for our entire wedding weekend. We wanted to chill, eat good food, and chat with our friends.

It's the in-between moments that craft a wedding as much as the other "events." It's these moments that create the spirit of your celebration. Thinking about what you want from the in-between moments can be just as important as planning the major events.

Matt and I had to be "Type-A" and plan a schedule for ourselves that included downtime, in order to not be Type-A during our actual wedding weekend. In other words, we had to plan ahead specific time to relax in order to ensure we had the space we needed to relax and immerse ourselves in the moment. If we had not carved out that kind of space for ourselves, we could have easily found ourselves running here and there and being shuttled from one thing to another.

Interestingly, we wouldn't have had these moments, if we had prioritized other things during our venue selection. For example, we were debating between Sunshine Mountain Lodge and another similar place. The other place had more aesthetically pleasing cabins and land. It was tempting to pick it for those reasons alone. However, I am so, so glad we prioritized more important things, like a relationship with the innkeepers. Sure our venue had moose paraphernalia everywhere, and we essentially had our reception in a parking lot (at least it wasn't paved). But we also got delicious, wholesome breakfasts prepared by two amazing individuals who went out of their way to make our event special in myriad ways.

Different couples should obviously plan the kind of in-between moments that work for them. Some people want to spend hours at a spa getting pampered with their closest friends. Others want to be surrounded by family. Still, other couples might prefer to be entirely alone, hiking or doing another one of their favorite activities together.

The choice is yours!

Contest Winner

And the winner of a free download of is...

Jessi Ed.

Congratulations! Please e-mail me to claim your prize.

To all of you who entered by didn't win, go download a free trial as a consolation prize!

It Pays to Discover

Reprinted from my personal blog

Okay, I can't believe I just used a capitalistic, consumeristic tagline as my title.

But seriously, friends, it makes so much sense to use a Discover credit card for as many monthly purchases as possible and then earn money back.

Disclaimer: Only use credit cards if you can pay off the entire balance each month! I am not advocating that you start racking up credit card debt. On the contrary! Credit cards can be super-dangerous because they can deceive you into thinking you have more money than you do. And honestly, it's stupid to pay money for money (which is what we do if we carry credit card debt) unless we absolutely have to (e.g., student loans, car loans, mortgages, emergencies, etc.).

I don't mean to pontificate from my soapbox. It's your life. I'm just saying that Matt and I received $571.90 from Discover because we put everything on our Discover credit card and it helped us accumulate a serious cashback bonus after a significant amount of time.

I have no idea how long we've been accumulating that bonus, but I do know it's completely free. We don't even pay for the cost of a stamp to send in our bill each month. Instead, we send an electronic check from our ING Direct account. Voila!

I know some people like using debit cards or cash in their wallets because there's a finite amount of money and they can see the supply getting depleted each time they buy something. I like that feeling, too, which is why I keep an index card in my wallet and keep track of how much I'm spending. I start with our month allowance for groceries, joint entertainment (including dinner out), dog bills, medicines, hygiene, etc. (which is $1,060, in case you're curious) and subtract the cost of whatever we spend. That way, I get the feeling of a finite amount, but I can still use my Discover card. I even try to pay some of our bills on our Discover card.

The only hitch is that Discover isn't accepted everywhere (like our favorite ice-cream store), but we just carry a backup Visa card and use it whenever necessary.

Discover isn't the only company that offers cashback bonuses. Julia from Color Me Green mentioned that you can visit www.bankrate.com to compare options.

Hooray for free money!

Q & A: Wedding Planning Family Tension

Reader Question: I got engaged about two months ago and have been scouting around my area for venues. The other day I got a call from my mom saying that she thinks having the wedding where I live is going to be unaffordable for her family. I should tell you that I live in Wisconsin, and my mom's family lives in New York. Everyone is going to have to travel no matter what because we are so spread out around the country. My fiance has family in Georgia and Missouri. I am suddenly majorly stressing about this. We are so excited about getting married in Madison and showing people what our life is like. It would also be much cheaper to get married here than in New York, so much so that I think a New York wedding would be cost prohibitive. I was wondering if you faced any objections about having your wedding in Colorado since your family had to travel, and how you handled it. I'd like to do what you did and rent out a cabin so people can stay on the cheap and be together and/or request no presents if it's a choice between coming to the wedding and staying home. I am close to my family and want them all there, but I don't want to feel forced to distance myself from the planning aspect, budget-friendliness, and fun of having it in my current city. Some of your inspiration and advice would be very much appreciated.

Yes, venue stress. I've been there, done that! I erupted into tears at the airport over venue stress.

Keep in mind that different people will give you different advice related to this dilemma. It's so close to our situation that I can't help but share what worked for us.

1. We considered multiple locations. I lived half my life in California and half in Florida. Matt's family is in Indiana. Our friends are scattered. We lived in Denver at the time. We considered each location as a potential option. We even considered random "in-between" locations like Tennessee.
   
2. We didn't want the wedding to be dominated by one side. We ultimately realized that if we had the wedding in Matt's hometown or mine, then the attendance would be skewed. If we had had it in Indiana, for example, more of Matt's family and friends would have been able to come. That situation didn't seem fair to either of us or our families.
   
3. We chose to plan the wedding near where we lived. We also realized that trying to plan a wedding from afar might be a nightmare. We needed to visit our venue a couple times to get everything planned. If those venue visits had involved plane rides, our budget would have been blown very quickly.
4. We lamented the impact our choice would have on our friends'/families' budgets and the environment. We acknowledged that forcing everyone to travel would increase the overall costs associated with our wedding (when we factored how much people would have to spend on airfare, car rental, etc.), but we realized that the benefits outweighed the drawbacks.
   

Our choices helped us achieve the ideal wedding (for us!) for the following reasons:

• We weeded out the people who weren't really close to us. The people who were willing to make the financial sacrifice to attend our wedding did it because they really, really wanted to celebrate with us.
  
• We made our planning much, much easier.
  
• As you say, we got to share our city with our friends and family.
• It created a vacation-like atmosphere and a friends and family reunion.
  

Here's what I would say to your mom:

"I hear what you're saying about how attending our wedding will be potentially unaffordable for some of your family members. I know these are truly difficult times for people financially, and I want to respect that. However, it really only makes sense for us to have our wedding in Madison. It's more fair to both families, it will be easier and less expensive for us to plan, and it will give us a chance to share our lives with our friends and family. I know it will be difficult for people, which is why we will do everything we can to lessen the financial burden. We will tell people how to set up airline tracking alerts, so they can be on the lookout for cheap tickets. We will provide a very inexpensive place to stay and help people set up carpooling to and from the airport. We will assure people that their "presence" at our wedding is "presents" enough. We will give people enough advance notice so they can start saving.

This decision was truly difficult for us to make because we want your family to celebrate with us, and we don't want to inconvenience anyone. I love you very much and want you to be happy. I hope you can understand how hard this is for us and that we ultimately have to make the decision that makes the most sense for everyone involved."

Or something like that. You get the gist.

I personally wouldn't use the argument that it will be more expensive to host a wedding in New York because I think your mom could counter with, "Don't worry; I'll help you find an inexpensive venue, bakery, etc." Although I understand the concept of differences in regional pricing, I also believe that you can have a wallet-friendly wedding in any city if you trek off the beaten wedding path.

I hope those thoughts help!

Now I'll open it up to others to share their two cents:

So, 2000dollarwedding kindred spirits: How would you approach this dilemma?

Collecting & Developing Ideas

• For any of you who have striving, achieving, perfectionistic tendencies (like, um, me), I recommend the 1/26/10 post from Superhero Journal here.

• How about some under-the-sea inspired honeymoon getaways (like the one featured above?)

• This manifesto from Slow Family Living easily applies to the pressure we feel from the Wedding Industrial Complex to buy more, plan more, obsess more.

Happy Friday! I've got a lovely craft date planned with one of my friends, and I want to turn an old window into a chalkboard. I also need to catch up on some work. Other than that, I want to s-l-e-e-p!

Guest Post: "Bridesmaids" Gift Idea

by Maureen

I wanted to pass along this thought. We did not have "bridesmaids" or "groomsmen" in our wedding, but I did have a special few girlfriends whisk me away to a cabin by a river for a pre-wedding hen party. At the time I felt like I should get them something to show my appreciation, love and friendship. At that point, weeks before the wedding I was pretty DIY'd out. But I really hated the idea of buying "things" for them, and a lot of the the ideas I found online seemed to suggest that ugly, cheap, matchy matchy jewlery was the way to go. Ugh, no thanks.

But I received a gift from one of those dear friends recently that occurred to me would be the perfect token to give someone who had taken some extra time to help with your wedding. It's a small book called The Better World Shopping Guide by Ellis Jones. The book ranks products from A-F in categories like coffee, cosmetics, gasoline, dairy products, seafood, meat alternatives, etc. It sort of complies everything into a small purse-sized guide for the socially conscious consumer. It retails for $9.95, so it's not a huge hit to the wallet.

Enjoy!

Q & A: Commitment or Codependence?

Reader Question: Hi Sara, I could use your advice. My problem is not wedding-related, but it is a relationship question.

My boyfriend and I have been together 6 years, living together just over 4 years. I am about to start the third semester of earning my master's degree. I just found out I have been offered an internship for the summer, which seems to be prestigious and resume-enhancing. Only problem is, the internship is in Kentucky (we live in the Boston area). I am really struggling with whether or not I can/should go three months apart from my partner.

This sounds crazy to even say, because I have always been pretty independent. I worked in France for eight months at the beginning of our relationship without hesitation. Now, though, we have built a life together and I would feel guilty to leave him for a summer. We have not lived in the area long, and he has not been able to cultivate many deep friendships, nor does he get fulfillment from his everyday job. Is it codependent to feel responsible for fulfilling some of these needs? Or is this being committed to my relationship? Sometimes it is such a fine line.

We have only talked about this briefly, but his official position is, "if it would help your career, you should do it, but I would miss you." I know if I want to take the internship, he will support me 100%.

I am really looking forward to hearing your take on this. My friends are mostly fiercely independent (which is awesome), but I feel like they would tell me to do it just out of principle, rather than what is really best for me and my relationship.

What do you think, and what factors would you consider when making a decision like this one? What would I do by myself for three months in KENTUCKY?

Thanks so much.

Hooray! A relationship-related question!

There seem to be two different parts to the question. Let's separate them from each other, analyze them, and then put them back together.

First, there is the question of the internship. It's not clear how you feel about it, aside from your concerns about sustaining yourself for three months in a new location and your mention of the internship's "prestige" and "resume-enhancing" potential. Here are some suggested questions to ask yourself:

1. What are the benefits of accepting the internship? Aside from the external benefits of prestige and resume enhancement, are there other arguments for accepting the internship? Will it challenge you intellectually? Will it introduce you to new and interesting people? Will it expose you to a different part of the country? Will it help you grow into a better person (for yourself and your partner)?
   
2. What are the drawbacks of accepting the internship (separate from the relationship-related ones)?
   
3. How are you going to spend your three months if you don't accept the internship?
4. Is this internship a necessary stepping stone for goals you want to accomplish in the future? Will it help you have the kind of life you want for yourself?
   

As far as your relationship goes, here are some questions to consider:

1. Why is your partner having trouble making deep connections with friends? If you stay in town for three months, will your presence help or hinder that process?
   
2. Why does your partner find his everyday work unfulfilling? Are there ways to help him find more meaningful and purpose-driven work?
   
3. If your roles were reversed, would you want your partner to accept the internship or not?
   

Now putting them back together:

1. What are your goals in life? What is your vision? Which choice better aligns with that vision?
2. Pick one of the decisions and ask yourself, "What are the consequences of this decision in 10 minutes? 10 months? 10 years?" Now switch your decision and answer the same questions.
   

You're the only one who can make the decision that's right for you, and I wish you the very best!

2000DollarWedding Kindred Spirits, do you have any other advice?

Contest: Enter to Win Photo Booth Software

I'm super-excited to host this contest to win free photo booth software, created by John Wu.

Here's what John has to say:

The inspiration for Party Booth stemmed directly from necessity. My fiance and I were interested in renting a photo booth for our wedding reception until we realized the cost was astronomical! Not to mention we didn't need yet another delivery item to plan around. Instead, I created Party Booth to turn any computer with a webcam into a photo booth kiosk. The user simply downloads the software and sets up a computer, a light, and a chair. At our reception, we set up Party Booth in a corner and let guests use it themselves. The inexpensive software is designed to run unattended, requiring only that a guest press the spacebar to activate the camera.

Party Booth was an instant hit - before we knew it, crowds were gathered around that corner. The great thing about Party Booth is not only the instant gratification of seeing the photos as you take them, but the fun really begins online. Party Booth saves pictures to disk, and uploads photos for guests to view on Facebook, Twitter, and other sites. After the party, we printed our favorite shots of friends on glossy 4 x 6 photo paper which was a handy insert for our thank you cards! There is also an option to send the photos to a printer at the end of each session.

To enter this contest to win a free download of the full softare:

1. Leave your first name and the first two initials of your last name (one entry per person, please).
   
2. Enter by Tuesday, February 2 at 11:59pm EST.

Happy Entering!

P.S. While you're waiting for the results of this contest, you can also download a free trial.

Valentine's Presents (or "Favors" If You're Planning a Wedding)

I did a terrible job with holiday cards and presents for friends and colleagues this year. By "terrible," I mean that I basically skipped them all together.

But better late than never, right? I figure Valentine's Day is the perfect day to shower my friends and colleagues with love.

The best sources for ideas are most certainly wedding blogs and the posts that focus on wedding favors.

Let me digress for a moment to talk about my love/hate relationship with wedding favors. On the one hand, making little presents for your guests can be a wonderful way to pour your love into something tangible. They can be sweet tokens of appreciation. Matt and I certainly had fun making our cilantro seed packets. Matt designed the stamp and printed all the cards. I sewed the seeds into the packet. On the front, we included directions about how to grow your own cilantro seeds, and on the back we included our personal recipe for guacamole (which we served at the reception).

The "hate" part comes into the equation when I see wedding magazines, blogs, or books talk about favors as a "must-do," "must-have," or "must-buy" in order to have a "Once-in-a-Lifetime Perfect Day."

Seriously?

From that perspective, wedding favors can quickly become a burden. Another thing on the endless wedding checklist. Another line in the budget. Another thing to obsess and worry about.

Although we enjoyed making our favors, they ended up being pretty useless. Not everyone even took theirs. We made only enough for each person to have one, and we ended up with lots left over.

And when I think back to the countless weddings I've been to, I can only remember a handful of items that were provided as favors.

So, when I write a whole post about how I'm going to make Valentine's gifts for my friends and colleagues and share some ideas you might want to use for wedding favors, my intent is not to pressure you (overtly or subliminally) to worry about wedding favors (or lack thereof) for your wedding. If you want them, fine. If not, more power to you!

Okay, with that preface under my belt, I am going to return to waxing DIY.

Valentine's presents. Hmm...

First and foremost, I have to make and write cards. I think there is nothing more powerful than sincere words of affirmation (maybe that's because my Language of Love is "words of affirmation?"). And I'll definitely have to use materials I have on hand. No sense in buying more stuff when I have a closet full of crafting materials.

Maybe I'll use the security envelopes I've been stashing away for a special occasion?

Maybe I'll make a stamp.

As for the gift, here are some ideas I have:

• Homemade jam and crackers
• Homemade cupcakes in a cupcake holder
• Spiced nuts
• Stack of quilted coasters
• Stack of handmade napkins
• Cute Valentine's pins
  

Maybe Matt and I could make something together to give to our friends and colleagues. It would be a cool Valentine's tradition to spend time together figuring out how to dole out love to other people.

Still thinking...

Pound Cake Present

I'm going to visit a friend I haven't seen in a while, and we had some leftover pound cake from dinner last night (which, by the way, I highly recommend you bake! It's pretty easy to make a delicious-tasting cake from this recipe).

Wax paper + ribbon + sticky note = instant present

Voila!

Happy Saturday to all of you...

Collecting & Developing Ideas

• 

Here are snippets from my internet meandering this week. Happy Friday!

• This post called "Dreamers into Doers" is a reminder that we are more than just brides (or grooms). Our lives stretch out ahead of us (and behind us), and we need to put our creativity and hard work into carving out those lives, not just planning weddings.

• Thinking about DIYing a dessert bar or a wedding cake? This post from Project Wedding is super-helpful (and makes me want to make someone a wedding cake!).

• I love the idea of electronic save-the-dates (e-mails, videos, etc.). In case you haven't seen this Epic Save-the-Date video featured on Offbeat Bride, go check it out! Wow. Double wow.

• Thinking about adding a shower curtain to the registry (like the one featured above)? It makes me happy.
  

Postcard #1: The Embroidered Wedding Dress

I know our wedding is gone and done, and I don't mean to run it into the ground by talking about it too much. However, a lot of folks are new to the site, and I thought a little postcard series might be a fun way to revisit some aspects of our wedding (with new details, I promise).

This first postcard features a small portion of my wedding dress. The $15 dress came from Target online and arrived at our house in a very small box.

It wasn't my ideal dress. It made my body look bigger than it is, and it came from a mass-market box store. But for $15, I didn't think I would be able to find something better. And, frankly, I was tired of shopping for a dress. I know there are plenty of people who enjoy scouring ebay and vintage stores and sewing patterns and Etsy. I like doing those things, too; it's just that I can only take a couple weeks of it before I am ready to move onto something else.

Also, my wedding dress shopping phase came before I truly started to feel pressure from the cool, DIY-to-the-max, I-took-a-letterpresss-class-to-make-my-invitations weddings in the alternative blogosphere. If I had been addicted to a lot of wedding blogs at that time (like I am now), I would have felt even more pressure to find The Perfect Dress that would make readers ooh and ahh.

As it was, we had a lot of things on our wedding to-do list. I was eager to get the dress crossed off.

The dress had several bad reviews online ("This dress looks like a sack draped on my body."), but I figured I could make it work. The price tag increased my optimism. I had several ideas to spruce up the dress:

1. Make a sash to reign in some of the extra fabric. Since I wanted to keep the cost as low as possible and minimize our environmental impact, I decided to use fabric from an old dress that I no longer wore. The dress had special meaning because I got it during my trip to India, which took place right after I met Matt for the first time. We never decided on "wedding colors"; they just sort of emerged from that old dress. That's when I got the idea that I could make a tie for Matt out of the same fabric as a metaphor for unity (and, later, when our wedding planning stretched on too long and I had some spare time on my hands, I decided to make Hoss a matching bandanna and make flower pins for the wedding party with the last remaining scraps (and then put the tiniest remnants into our wedding quilt). I didn't feel pressured to undertake these projects; I wanted to.
2. Embroider along the bottom. I figured we had to do something to make the $15 dress quasi-special. At times, I did feel some pressure to make our wedding special with heart and sincerity, since we weren't doing it with money. That's when we came up with the idea to embroider our life story together along the bottom. I have fond memories of sketching out the design with Matt in our tiny craft room in Denver. Then I spent hours embroidering the design, usually while talking with friends on the phone. It was a calming and grounding experience, and it made me feel like I was putting myself into our wedding. Plus, I learned a new skill.
   
3. Ask a seamstress friend to modify the back to make it more attractive. We brought pizza to her house and spent the evening hanging out with her family while she worked on my dress. It was our first communal wedding planning experience, and it felt good.
   

I had a lot of doubts about the dress going into the wedding. Mainly, I was afraid I wouldn't feel beautiful and confident on my wedding day. I was already nervous about being the total center of attention for such an extended amount of time.

I never did get a lot of compliments on the dress. That was hard at first, but I forced myself to come to terms with it and realize that it wasn't about others' opinions. I do have very fond memories of explaining the sequence and the meaning behind each image to a handful of friends and family. And I remember having full-range of motion all night long. (My dress did start to cut into my armpits toward the end of the night, and that sucked.)

If I had to do it all over again, I think I would have the courage to ditch the concept of a white wedding dress and instead go for something that I would wear again and again (for a lifetime of parties). Since our wedding was offbeat in many ways, I think I clung to a few traditional things in order to prevent total discombobulation.

I would definitely prioritize comfort. I think being able to walk and dance without constant adjustment or fear of toppling over is a must in my book. But that's just me and my priorities.

I would also try not to stress about it so much. Looking back on it now, the dress really doesn't deserve as much attention as it gets. After time, the details fade.

Contest Winner

And the winner is...

Sarah Ti.! Sarah, please e-mail me to claim your prize.

Thank you to everyone who entered!

As a consolation prize, everyone can head over to Turtle Love Committee with this promo code in hand for 20% off your total order: 2000DW.

(Maybe I'll take advantage of the discount code and place an order for this ring to serve as a fancier version of my very practical wedding ring when the need arises. I'm smitten!)

Wedding Planning Books that Won't Drive You Mad

I hate to confess this little secret, since I am generally a very big supporter of the book industry. However, when you're planning a wedding (and a Welcome Picnic open to all 80 guests) on a $2,000 budget, your number one budget priority is not purchasing wedding planning books.

That's why Matt and I resorted to the following tactics to satiate our thirst for book-knowledge related to all-things-wedding:

1. The library
2. The bookstore (where we would not actually purchase any books; instead, we would spend a couple hours reading entire sections of relevant books)

And, yes, we even resorted to returning books for store credit that had been given to us as gifts (after we read them from cover to cover without breaking the spines). A little pathetic, I know.

However, despite our suspect methods for getting our hands on books, we did find a couple books super-helpful, and I wanted to list them here for anyone else who is floundering in sea of wedding planning:

1. Offbeat Bride by Ariel Meadow Stallings, of course. It's a seminal text in the movement to plan the wedding of your dreams (not anyone else's). Plus, she's coming out with a new edition this spring. Woo-hoo.
2. The DIY Wedding by Kelly Bare. It provided a lot of sensible advice and options about various aspects of wedding planning.
3. One Perfect Day: The Selling of the American Wedding by Rebecca Mead. This book should be required reading on all college campuses. It's that enlightening. It explains the Wedding Industrial Complex from a historical perspective and can help ground anyone who's caught up in the hubbub of wedding planning.

So, please spill the beans! Which wedding planning books helped (rather than hindered) your wedding planning process?

Q & A: Cheap Wedding Reception Catering Ideas

Reader Question: Okay, so maybe you've already answered this but I haven't been reading your blog for long or been planning my wedding for long either, but I've begun to start planning our wedding (even if it is far away) and the thing that I'm worried about getting into the budget is the food. What is the best way to do food for cheap and still have it taste good? Thank you so much for your help!

Ah, yes. Catering a big party for your nearest and dearest. I remember the stress.

Here's what I don't understand. How is it that Matt and I can go to a restaurant and get two delicious meals for under $30 total and yet $15/person is practically unheard of in the catering world? Yes, I realize that catering usually involves set-up and clean-up and service, but it's food in bulk! It's a few items mass produced! Ugh.

Here are a few ideas for saving money:

1. Plan to avoid major meal times: This suggestion is the standard recommendation for brides on a budget. There are a couple variations on this theme, including having a brunch wedding or doing something like champagne and cake instead of a full-blown meal.
2. Host a potluck and let your community cater the the meal: I've talked ad nauseum about this option, so I won't say much more. I just couldn't bear to leave it off the list, since it really is a great way to save money (and foster community and connection).
3. Self-cater: Matt and I went this route because we wanted to save money and we wanted to involve our community in the creation of our wedding. Although this route worked nearly perfectly for us, it's not something to be taken lightly. It takes a lot of planning and can create a ton of stress.
4. Partially self-cater: If a handful of your nearest and dearest like to cook, why not tap into their culinary skills for all the sides and hire a catering company to provide the main dishes?
5. Go for novelty: Renting a portable wood burning oven + pizza crew or hiring an entire taco truck might be cheaper options (and will certainly go a long way towards making the day memorable).
6. Stray far, far away from the beaten path: It's hard to find a good deal on the well-worn wedding path (thanks, Wedding Industrial Complex). However, there are deals waiting to be scored in the dives and family-run businesses of our towns. Think of your favorite restaurant (that doesn't have a pre-printed catering menu) and talk to them about the possibilities. Or what about finding an up-and-coming caterer who is looking to build his/her portfolio? Or what about friends of friends of friend? You can always use craigslist or younger siblings' friends to hire some additional serving/cleaning/setting up help.

Just remember, expensive does not necessarily equal good. I have been to plenty of expensive weddings at expensive venues that essentially served conference food. Meh.

The moral of the story is: be creative. So often, we get stuck inside the pre-planned wedding formula. We're pressured into conforming to everyone else's vision of what a wedding is. The truth is, the Once-in-a-Lifetime perfect white wedding is really just a societal construct that you can choose to follow, modify, or throw out entirely. Your wedding is your chance for you and your partner to share your lives with your nearest and dearest. If you want to have a Saturday afternoon ceremony, evening reception, white dress, garter, bouquet toss, cake cutting, first dance [insert countless other "essential" details], that's your choice. If you don't want any of it (or want some of it), the choice is also yours.

I'm eager to hear your ideas about cheap wedding catering options that still taste scrumptious! Please share!

Collecting and Developing Ideas

Image courtesy of vol25

There's so much inspiration in the blogosphere.

I thought I would share a few of my favorite finds this week (although some of them are a little old):

1. Turning a regular old canvas into a chalkboard canvas. The possibilities are endless!
2. This family makes matching pajamas to celebrate Winter Solstice. Matching pajama pants would be an awesome way to thank your wedding party or other people who are near and dear to your heart.
3. Yes, you really can elope if you want to.
4. If you're thinking about making gift baskets for any reason, consider going the semi-DIY route.
5. Need a wall-sized calendar to map out your wedding planning (and the rest of your non-wedding planning life)? Try chalkboard paint squares.
6. Consider this organic bedding for your registry (or a birthday/Hanukkah/Christmas present).
7. Commemorate your love with this poster.
   

Putting the Stress of Wedding Planning in Perspective

This first-hand report from an NPR correspondent in Haiti.