People pretty much thought we were crazy. A wedding for under $2,000? On a Saturday evening? In July? With just seven months of planning?
At times, we thought we were crazy, too. As we piled 64 rock-hard avocados into our shopping cart at Sam’s Club four days before the wedding, I wondered, “Can we really make guacamole for 80 people on our wedding day? Will these avocados even ripen in time? What were we thinking?”
But it was important for us to make it work. We were tired of all the propaganda from the Wedding Industrial Complex telling us that we needed the perfect flowers or the perfect centerpieces to make our day perfect. We didn’t want to obsess about surface details or let the wedding overshadow our relationship. We wanted our wedding to be sincere, authentic, and memorable—a wedding focused on community and connection, not my wedding dress. We were convinced that we could make it work in a budget-minded, hand-crafted, eco-friendly way.
And—with the help of good-natured friends and family, a little luck (the rain stayed away), and a solid plan—we managed to pull off a stress-free wedding that was the truest expression of ourselves. It was better than we expected. It was full of seriously fun quality time with our friends, family, and—most importantly—each other.
Here's the story of our wedding planning process from its conception in a Mexican Restaurant to its climax with a choreographed dance to Prince’s “Kiss”.
Our Planning ProcessMy friend got engaged a few months before I did. By the time I baked a celebratory engagement cake and showed up on her doorstep, she had already purchased several bridal magazines and started a file folder to capture all her wedding ideas and inspiration.
Instead of starting with the details—dress, flowers, centerpieces, invitations—Matt and I took a different approach while planning our wedding. We headed to a good Mexican restaurant to brainstorm our goals and vision for our wedding.
As a teacher, I learned to create lesson plans though a backwards-design approach. The idea is to start with the end vision first. You ask yourself, “What do I want students to know and be able to do by the end of this lesson?” Once you’ve answered that question, you can then plan the smaller activities that align with the end goal.
Matt and I applied the same approach to our wedding. We wanted to figure out the big picture before we let ourselves dwell in the details.
Over chips and salsa, we reached consensus about the goals of our wedding:
- We want to bring family and friends together to reconnect and form new friendships.
- We don’t want the experience to feel overly-orchestrated. It’s a celebration of our love, not a show.
- We will fight consumerism by spending only $2,000 max. The Wedding Industrial Complex is conspiring to make us think we have to spend more money. But we want to make the event special with sincerity, not money. Plus, we need to save money for a house, and we certainly don't want to start our life together in debt.
- It will be good for the environment and connected to nature.
- We want to have real time to spend with guests. We want to be able to spend quality time with our friends and family. We don’t want to follow the traditional pattern of a few wedding “events” where the bride and groom only have time for a “meet and greet”: rehearsal dinner, reception, brunch the following morning. We want more of a family and friends reunion. (Side Note: One of my favorite memories from the wedding was waking up and eating the homemade breakfast provided by the B&B. My friends and I just sat and talked for two hours every morning.)
- We will make all the decisions ourselves so our wedding represents us (hence another reason why we need to pay for it ourselves).
- We only want to be surrounded by our closest friends and family.
- We want to be relaxed and fully present.
Our goals helped us stay focused on what really mattered to us throughout the entire process. For example, when we were working on the invitations, I was convinced that we had to have photo stamps. I couldn’t imagine anything cuter than our faces on a postage stamp. But it wasn’t in the budget. And frankly, when I reviewed our eight goals, I just couldn’t seem to connect the photo stamps with a single one. Darn.
Early on in the wedding planning process, there were other factors that complicated things. Namely, my mother-in-law. She was kind enough to help us search for locations, but she kept pushing us toward venues that were way out of our budget. Being the amazingly nice and generous woman she is, she continuously offered to help finance the wedding. However, we didn’t want to violate Goal #6. We knew that as soon as we accepted financial contributions, we would be forced to widen the circle of decision-makers from two to four. And the wider that circle gets, the more difficult the process is and the more likely the wedding starts to represent our parents’ tastes and preferences instead of ours.
Needless to say, those first few weeks were a bit stormy. Luckily, we anchored ourselves with our goals and hunkered down for the bumpy ride.
Two Big DecisionsHonestly, one of the most difficult parts of the wedding planning process was trimming down the guest list (or should I say, “going at it with a machete”?). The list started out gigantic. We knew we had to cut it back because of Goal #5 for our ideal wedding: “We will have real time to spend with guests. We want to be able to spend quality time with our friends and family. We don’t want to follow the traditional pattern of a few wedding ‘events’ where the bride and groom only have time for a ‘meet and greet’: rehearsal dinner, reception, brunch the following morning. We want more of a family and friends reunion.” We knew that the bigger our wedding got, the less opportunity we would have to genuinely connect with our guests.
We had to look at the wedding guest list through an honest lens. I noticed that there were people on the list who were pretty much only there because I had been invited to their weddings (even though we aren’t particularly close friends). I cut those people from the list. I also noticed there were people on the list with whom I wanted to be closer friends. I just wasn’t. Those people got cut, too. Finally, I noticed there were colleagues whom I felt obligated to invite. I applied the following litmus test: “When I move on to my next job, will I still be friends with _____?” If the answer was no, they were off the list, too.
Luckily, we had the primary say over our guest list because we paid for the wedding ourselves. Of course we consulted with our families and made a few adjustments, but we made sure we would only be surrounded by our closest friends and family (none of our dads’ golf buddies, for example, or family friends we hadn’t seen in ten years).
While we were dwindling down the guest list, we were simultaneously scouring the state of Colorado for a suitable location. We didn’t want to get married in Matt’s hometown (Bloomington, IN) or my hometowns (Tampa, FL and San Diego, CA) because we didn’t want the wedding to be dominated by one side. We were living in Denver, and we figured it would be much easier to plan a wedding that was within driving distance of our home.
We quickly realized that finding the perfect location was way more difficult than trimming the guest list. The wedding location determines a lot about the wedding. It’s like the first domino that starts a chain reaction of other falling dominoes. It determines how casual or formal the event feels, what the catering options are, what kinds of fun things your guests can do, how many people can attend, how much decoration will be needed, etc.
Matt and I had a very difficult time selecting our wedding venue. The mountains of Colorado are a hugely popular wedding destination (especially in the summer), which drives up costs everywhere. Our budget kept us out of the more traditional wedding venues in the area, as well as our desire to avoid the “wedding factory” feel. We didn’t want to be “just another wedding on today’s agenda.”
We also knew that we wanted to be able to rent out an entire place because we wanted all of our friends and family to stay together. We were trying to create the feel of a friends and family reunion.
By the time we started planning our wedding in late December, there weren’t a lot of weekends left that had full availability of the entire site. Argh!
Then there was the beauty piece. We wanted a placed that was aesthetically pleasing. And we wanted our guests to be comfortable. And we wanted it to be affordable for them (since they were already paying for plane tickets and rental cars).
In the end, it came down to two choices (which, ironically, had opposite names: Sunshine Mountain Lodge and Shadow Mountain Ranch). Shadow Mountain was more beautiful. The cabins were cuter and the property seemed more situated in the mountains. But, the owner wasn’t as great as Cathy and Cory, the owners at Sunshine Mountain Lodge.
Cathy and Cory were so kind, welcoming, and helpful. We decided that it was better to go with the less aesthetically-pleasing place because relationships matter more to us than photographs or guests’ first impressions.
Originally, we wanted our ceremony and reception at the same site because it’s more environmentally-friendly. But we couldn’t figure out how to make it work at Sunshine. Then we came up with the idea of having the ceremony at a B&B up the road (which we could also use for overflow guests). We managed to find a lovely lake with picnic tables already there. No need to rent chairs! All of the dominoes started to fall in exactly the right way because the initial domino was the right one.
With the guest list and location decided, we were able to breathe a huge sigh of relief. Then it was time to focus on some of the fun details like doling out jobs, making the invitations, and finding rings.
When you undertake the seemingly crazy task of planning a wedding with a small budget, you have to think outside the box. When it came to the idea of traditional wedding vendors and wedding rings, we did exactly that.
At one point in the planning process, I received the following e-mail advice from The Knot: “The more guests feel involved with your wedding, the more likely they will have a great time.” So what was the website’s advice for helping guests feel more involved? Creating a detailed ceremony program.
We took the advice more literally. We asked our friends and family to serve as the photographers, caterers, hair stylists, DJs, bartenders, officiant (see photo above), florist, traffic directors, and videographers.
This approach had multiple benefits: 1) We saved a ton of money. We didn’t have to dish out thousands of dollars to multiple different vendors. 2) We avoided much of the stress associated with Wedding Industrial Complex interactions. We didn’t have any of the oh-this-is-a-wedding?-then-it-will-cost-three-times-more. 3) Our friends and family felt more invested in and connected to our wedding because they helped make it happen.
We tried our very best to give each person one small piece so they weren’t overwhelmed. And—with the exception of all but the fajita maker—every job happened before or after the ceremony and reception, so people could fully participate in the action. We hired the owners of the B&B where the reception was held to heat up the food, set it out, refill it, and clean up.
One of my favorite memories took place in the hours before our ceremony. Matt and I worked elbow-to-elbow with our closest friends, chopping lots of stuff for homemade guacamole, salsa, seven-layer dip, black bean and corn salad, fajitas, and quesadillas. We worked with urgency while laughing and chatting. People constantly passed through the kitchen in the main lodge and offered their support. It reminded me that weddings are about community, connection, and commitment.
In addition to our DIY, budget-friendly approach to staffing our wedding, we also had an unconventional approach to our wedding rings. We asked our friends and family to donate their old gold to an environmentally-friendly jeweler, greenKarat. The company melted the donated gold, credited our account with more than $1000, and created new rings. Our invoice came to $109.
During the ceremony, the rings were carried on a ring pillow crafted from the hat Matt’s grandmother wore in her wedding 54 years ago. We acknowledged the longevity of their love and thanked our friends and family for letting us incorporate a piece of their history into ours through their donated gold.
We tried to carry the DIY, budget-friendly, and eco-friendly ethos throughout the rest of the wedding planning process, too. Luckily, we were able to do this for the next phase of the planning process: attire.
Many of my friends got married the same summer I did. It was fun to compare notes during the wedding planning process. During one conversation, a dear friend said, “Yeah, our wedding isn’t too expensive either. Aside from the food at the reception, everything is pretty reasonable.”
I reminded her, “Aren’t you having your dress custom designed? How expensive is that?”
“Oh, that. I forgot. The dress costs about $2,000.”
That was our entire budget!
And there it was. On Target clearance. A perfectly suitable white sundress for a mere $15.
I say “perfectly suitable” rather than “perfect” because it had its flaws. Number One: there was so much extra fabric it made my waist look bigger than it is. Number Two: it was a little plain.
I decided to remedy both these problems with a little DIY, handmade action.
I fixed the first problem by creating a simple sash. Because I was trying to be friendly to the environment and my budget, I simply used fabric from an old piece of clothing. The clothing had significance to me because I purchased it while traveling through India right after I met Matt. I used some thick interfacing to prevent any crinkling, and I sewed on some buttons.
In terms of the second problem, I decided to do some customized embroidery along the bottom. First, Matt and I designed the story of our life together. Since our first date involved a frolic in the sprinklers, for example, we depicted two birds splashing around in a bird bath.
In order to save even more money, I used the same fabric to fashion a tie for Matt. Even though I had never undertaken such a feat before, I knew I could turn to the internet for help. After a Google search and an online tutorial, the tie was complete. Voila!
For the final touch, I used the fabric to make flower pins for our wedding party (thanks to another internet tutorial!) and a matching bandanna for our dog, Hoss.
As fun as it was to spend time hand-making items for our wedding, I had to pull myself away to focus on more significant undertakings: writing our own ceremony.
The Ceremony
Last summer, I went to a very traditional wedding: stained-glassed windows coloring and diffusing the light, the priest commanding the audience with his noble presence, the flowers framing the scene, the bride and groom posing picturesquely.
And next to me in the pew was a fellow guest, bent over his cell phone, sending text messages to his friend.
Although texting is, by far, pretty high on the thermometer of wedding rudeness (up there with playing tic-tac-toe on the wedding program or having a thumb war with your date), his obvious disengagement left me wondering: How many people are equally bored with the ceremony but just too polite to do anything but look forward and smile blithely?
And to the ceremony’s credit, there was nothing explicitly wrong with it. There were readings and vows and a kiss—the things that make a wedding a wedding. But they were all the familiar things: With this ring, I thee wed. Love is patient, love is kind. To have and to hold from this day forward.
Once you’re in your twenties or thirties and have heard the same readings for the twentieth or thirtieth time, your brain loses focuses and starts to wonder, “How much longer until the reception starts?”
When it came time to plan our wedding, we didn’t want to fall into the same trap. We didn’t want my guests sneaking Suduko into the ceremony.
We wanted a ceremony that engaged the audience—that inspired them to listen and reflect. We wanted them to think “Wow, that was great,” rather than, “Thank goodness that was short.”
That’s why Matt and I decided to write our ceremony from scratch. Basically, we invented our own symbolic gestures that were both more interesting because they were novel and were more representative of us and our lives.
- Quilt-Wrapping: Instead of signifying unity through a candle lighting ritual, we were wrapped in a quilt made from the fabric of friends and family to signify unification, the warmth and support of friends and family that are needed to sustain a healthy relationship, the comfort we bring to each other, and the bond between us that will continue to develop. On our wedding website, we asked guests to send us a small piece of fabric. Then—thanks to the help of another internet tutorial—Matt and I turned them into a quilt.
- Tree-Planting Ceremony: Instead of reading something about how love takes effort, we planted a resilient Live Oak sapling to represent the growth of our love and symbolize that marriage—like a tree—requires constant nurturing and nourishment.
We also wrote our vows from scratch. We decided to follow the following format: “I love you because…” followed by: “Because I love you…”
- Matt, I love you because you make me laugh out loud on a daily basis, like when you come up with alternate names for our dog, Hoss, such as Hoss-tage, Hoss of Pain, or Hoss-car Myer Weiner.
- I love you because you challenge me to be a better person, like when you made me promise to tell the Penske truck people that we scraped the moving van.
- I love you because we create adventures together, like Halloween scavenger hunts or road trips out West.
- I love you because you care so much for other people that you inspire all of us to be more caring. You do things like put toothpaste on my toothbrush and leave it out for me or come home on the worst day of winter with slippers and a Chia pet herb garden.
- I love you because I smile every time I wake up to you and when I come home to you. We play together, brainstorm together, create together, read together. Your hand always feels comfortable in mine.
- Matt, because I love you, I promise to treat you the way you want to be treated and with the respect you deserve. I promise to build trust with my words and actions. I will be your cheerleader, your nurse, your editor, your therapist, your teacher, your student, and your partner in adventure. I will deeply appreciate all of your positive qualities and not let the passage of time dull that appreciation. When life challenges us, I promise to focus on the resiliency of our love. And if I stumble and fail to live up to my promises, I will look you in the eyes, hold your hands, and apologize with sincerity. I will be my best for you.
Yes, we worried that we would freak out our families (Matt’s is Irish-Catholic and mine is Presbyterian). But in the end, people said it was so beautiful and sincere (even our families).
At a lot of weddings I’ve been to, I’ve either felt like I was part of the “in crowd” or I was on the outside. If I’m in the wedding party? I’m part of the in crowd. If I’m not invited to the rehearsal dinner? I’m on the outside.
Matt and I didn't want to have those kinds of divisions at our wedding. We wanted to spend quality time with everyone. That’s why we opted for a Welcome Picnic instead of a traditional rehearsal dinner. In order for it to fit within our strict budget, we had to simplify: make-your-own sandwich bar (including organic meat from Whole Foods!), chips, watermelon, iced-tea, lemonade, and homemade chocolate cherry dessert with vanilla ice-cream.
The event was held at the same B&B where the reception was held. Approximately half the wedding guests were staying on site with us, so it was a very casual affair. People helped themselves to food and an assortment of fun activities: football, hot-tub, S’mores around the campfire, board games, a swing dancing lesson, volleyball, etc.
One of our main goals for the wedding was to give our friends and family an authentic opportunity to get to know each other. It’s a hard task, especially when small talk is the norm among strangers.
To combat the small talk conundrum, we fashioned name tags for our guests to wear at the Welcome Picnic. Instead of “Hello, my name is…” the tags read “Ask me about:” Each guest has three or four quirky things on their tags.
The tag of my friend, Camella, for example, said: “Ask me about: Ashtonga yoga, raising chickens, DJing a radio show, and why you shouldn’t buy corn.”
It was quite a bit of work (aren’t most DIY projects?), but it was well worth it in the end. They really helped build the kind of connection we were going for.
The Welcome Picnic helped connect people from different families and friend groups. When it was time for the reception the next day, people had already formed new friendships.
Sometime in the middle of planning a $2,000 wedding, it occurred to me, “Why not think of it as a reunion instead of a wedding?” Weddings tend to focus on surface things like flowers, attire, and centerpieces. Reunions tend to be about fun.
When it was time to plan the reception, we focused on just that: Fun. We rented out an entire B&B in the mountains of Colorado. We set up tables in a grove of trees, and our guests feasted on homemade fajitas, tamales, guacamole, salsa, nachos, seven-layer dip, black bean and corn salad, frozen margaritas, and six different types of cakes.
After dinner, we gathered everyone on the flagstone patio for our first dance. Matt and I stood in the center of the dance floor, surrounded by a semi-circle of our wedding party. Our friend, Nick, announced that it was time for our first dance. Matt and I stared lovingly into each other’s eyes. The music started. It was “Kiss” by Prince. We immediately started scissoring our hands and gyrating our hips. The entire wedding party joined in and we performed a choreographed dance, complete with a semi-strip tease by Matt’s brother.
The dancing continued on the patio, while other guests traded their wedding finery for bathing suits. Some trekked to the campfire to tell ghost stories, while others broke out Scrabble and Uno. We also showed a video of our lives together.
The guests helped themselves to wedding favors: hand-made cilantro seed packets with directions on the front and our personal guacamole recipe on the back.
I danced and talked and cooked a S’more and played some games and talked some more. Late in the evening, I donned my bathing suit and got into the hot tub with my best friends from college.
It wasn’t about the dress, the flowers, the centerpieces. It was about community, connection, commitment, and old-fashioned fun.
There’s a line from one of my favorite songs that says, “I wish that I knew what I know now, when I was younger” (Ooh La La by Roonie Wood and Ronnie Lane).
So, dearest brides and grooms (or brides and brides or grooms and grooms), here’s the advice I would give myself if I were planning another wedding:
(10) Start with the Big Picture, Not the Details
Sit down with your fiancé and figure out what kind of wedding you want. What do you want to be able to say about it when it’s over? What do you want your guests to say? How will you make your wedding memorable, relaxing, and fun? Develop a list of your goals and vision and then move on to the smaller details. Always ask yourself, “Does this small detail align with my broader goals?” Make decisions accordingly.
(9) Make It Happen
Once you know what kind of wedding you and your fiancé want to have, make it happen. Don’t let your parents’ preferences and tastes, your insecurities, or your budget get in the way. Have courage, stand your ground, and be creative. Your wedding should represent you and your fiancé, not anyone else.
(8) Limit the Guest List to Your Nearest and Dearest
Your wedding is not a show. It’s a celebration of your commitment and your community. You will feel much less stressed and nervous if you are truly surrounded by your closest friends and family. It’s your day. Don’t let anyone else commandeer the guest list for their own purposes.
(7) Distinguish Between Wants and Needs
When you’re planning a wedding, everything feels like a must-have. Use the 10-10-10 rule that was featured in O! Magazine: when making a decision, ask yourself: “What will be the effects of this decision in 10 minutes, 10 months, and 10 years?” It will help you keep everything in perspective. Not everything is important.
(6) Don’t Let Your Wedding Overshadow Your Relationship
Planning a wedding takes a lot of compromise and consensus. It’s highly likely that you will disagree and probably even fight. Just remember that your wedding is only one day of your lives together. Don’t get too wrapped up in it.
(5) Build Relationships with Vendors
Working with others to bring your wedding to fruition is a very stressful process. There has to be a lot of trust. Do your best to build relationships with people along the way. They will have more investment in the wedding and be willing to go above and beyond for you. You will have fewer doubts about their reliability.
(4) Don’t Forget the Ceremony
Don’t get so caught up in the invitations, dress, flowers, reception, music, and catering that you neglect to put the same kind of thought and attention into your ceremony. The purpose of a wedding is to publicly declare your commitment and seek support from your community. It’s important! (And make sure your guests can hear everything that’s said during the ceremony.)
(3) Dress Comfortably
It’s your wedding. You should enjoy yourself. Make sure you can walk, dance, and move comfortably from head to toe, from ceremony to reception. Seriously.
(2) Moderate Your Wedding Porn Viewing
Don’t spend too much time reading wedding magazines and blogs. Yes, they give you ideas. Yes, they are fun. But mainly they just make you doubt things you’ve already decided on.
(1) Just Breathe
Planning a wedding is stressful. Your expectations are high and the stakes feel high even higher. But remember: No matter what happens with the details (the weather, the vendors, the food) you will be married in the end. And anything that goes wrong will make a great story.
When you become too irrational, just curl up next to your partner and remind yourself that the marriage matters more than the wedding.
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56 comments:
You are amazing. From the get go, we've had a defiant attitude towards getting sucked into the shiny, impersonal, wedding market, and already two weeks in, I'm pulling my hair and hating every bit of the planning. Our number one goal is to make this a memory that won't be represented as a meaningless memento stuffed in a reject memory box. You cleared and reinforced our goals and have definitely given a boatload of creative ideas. Thank you so much for taking the time to give us your story and thoughts, and congrats!
I just went back and re-read this post to rein myself in from a recent wedding-planning freak out.
I love that you backwards-designed your wedding! It makes perfect sense. (I'm a teacher and that is my curricular design philosophy of choice as well!)
I just wanted to say THANK YOU for sharing all of this. Yours is one of three wedding blogs I read and I read it because it makes me feel better about myself and my wedding not worse, like some of them who feature the $5000 tiara I just-have-to-have. You are a much-needed, very welcome presence on my Google Reader. :)
-Loaf
femalehusband.wordpress.com
Thanks for posting this. I actually work for a bridal magazine and my first day at work after getting engaged I thought I was going to throw up. There are so many expectations and requirements people seem to think we need and it can be so totally overwhelming.
I've been resisting the best that I can and I thank you for the reminder that other people's expectations don't need to be satisfied at our wedding. The more I think of it, the more I love the idea of a relaxed reunion style gathering.
Thanks!
wow. i am in love with many of these ideas, as well as the general concept of a wedding out of love, not out of money.
thank you for sharing all of this with the world :) very beautiful indeed!
Thank you so much for sharing the details of how to stay focused on what's important! With my short engagement and a wedding this next April, this is wonderful advice. I especially think that focusing on what end result we want is so valuable!
This was just what I needed to read. With friends engaged and going all-out Bridezilla, I am thinking that I just may be planning a wedding in the next year or so and this is the way I would want things to happen. Thanks for sharing your story and congrats!
What is going through my mind right now, is wow, what a fun wedding that would have been to attend. Good on you guys! I am using you as inspiration so we dont get carried away with ours. We are also clear that its not about the flowers or gourmet food. We want something that is about us, meaningful, simple, and a chance for our family and friends to witness our union and have a good time and mingle.
WOW! I am so glad to have found this blog! It's an amazing chronicle of your wedding journey. It's so easy to forget the important sentiments and get caught up in the commercial, superficial trappings. I will definitely be using some of your rules/goals in planning our celebration! CONGRATS!
Thankyou so much for sharing all this! I have just started the planning process & stumbled across your blog. Thankyou for putting some things back into prospective! I have a question though in relation to your guest list! How many people did you end up with & did you invite all immediate family including cousins? I'm just not sure I can invite some & not others.
@ AlleyCat:
Matt has a huge Catholic family. We thought about not inviting the cousins but decided to in the end. We invited all immediate family + cousins (although we made it clear that cousins were guests of their parents and therefore were discouraged from bringing their own guests). We also limited our friends to our closest (i.e., no random colleagues or friends we really don't keep in touch with). We had 80 in the end (partly because none of our family lives in Colorado, so they had to make a trek to attend). Hope that helps!
This wedding seems PERFECT. Thanks so much for sharing. I've sent the link to my mom, sister and fiance saying "This is what I'm talking about!" The only fear I keep coming back to in my planning is that an outdoor reception seems a perfect way to keep it fun and inexpensive and gorgeous but what if it rains? We are planning a wedding in early fall in CT and I just hate the idea (and cost) of tents. Any ideas from other brides?
i am amazed, bowled over, enchanted and applauding. so, so proud and happy for you.
this is my first time at your blog, and i am going to print out this entire story and keep it in my wedding file. i am getting married next year and planning a low-budget, low glamour wedding. your wedding has given me idea, yes but more than that, hope and a feeling that the impossible can also happen.
thank you so much for sharing this... *hugs*
Um, Wow... I guess I'm on the right track with our wedding.
I really appreciate this post, and am so glad to have read it. I know I'm going to come back to it again and again. It seems that you went into this being incredibly mindful of what you were doing... and it shows.
I slip in and out of the mindfulness. I think, in a way, it takes more energy to be so present in the situation.
We're doing a weekend wedding with a welcome BBQ for everyone. We were planning on games, arts and crafts for the kids, and bocci ball. No one will be an outsider at our wedding and there will be plenty of things for everyone to do.
I haven't thought much about the ceremony yet, but I think you've just inspired me to. That is, after all, the reason we are gathering in Tahoe in July.
Thanks for putting this all together in pixels for us to read!
I think i can start planning now. I've been (gasp) putting the wedding planning off because I simply couldn't get into the idea of having panic attacks over napkin colors. I love a boy and I want to live my life with him- why does it have to "officially begin" with pomp and stresscomstance? Is that really necessary?? I've only ever been to ornately formal productions that left me feeling suffocated- I didn't want to put my friends any family through a wedding like that. Your wedding sounds amazing- exactly the feel I am looking for. Reunion, not wedding. I love it- thank you for your clarity!
I bow in the gravel -- wow, you have impressed me! Not only did I like your style of writing, but your many wise ideas were so inspiring! I am getting married in only three months and haven't come too far with the planning yet, mainly because I have been focusing on trying to choose between a thousand little pretty details, when it is the big picture, the end goal, and the love that matters. Thank you so much for writing this blog to counterbalance the "porn" ! Anja from Sweden
Wow! I have always wanted to have a wedding close to this kind. This gives me a lot of courage to be sincere and unconventional, to know it can be done!!
Thank you very much for the ideas! I really love the quilt.
Wow!!! your wedding planning was just pure genious. i have been engaged for two yrs. mostly because i have been afraid and tired of all the propaganda from the wedding industry like you said.. brainwashing us to think that we need to go all out. i am so relieved and excited to plan my wedding, now. i have known that i have wanted something small,intimate, and very different from the norm. i was sure glad that you shared your wedding details. they were very beautiful and sincere. i especially loved the dance! you have made my day..thanks!
This is awesome. Although I am no where near planning a wedding, I knew that when I was going to, it was going to be a very diy, family and friend involved affair. Your blog lets me know that it is actually possible! Thanks!
Wow! Congrats to you on your marriage and thank you so much for sharing! As a member of the Wedding Industrial Complex who is struggling with her mission of helping clients create meaningful, authentic events vs. going for the quick payoff of extravagant and over-the-top, this is just what I needed to see today. Wishing you a lifetime of happiness together. . .thanks again!
This is just what I needed to read! When we got married I got so frustrated trying to plan our wedding and the whole 'wedding machine' I threw my hands up and we went to the courthouse. Now 10 years later we are planning a renewal vows ceremony. I almost got sucked back in again. Thank you for sharing your story, it brought me back to my senses.
ROCK. OUT. I loved your wedding. It sounds like you had so much fun and your vows were honest and so personal. We're doing pretty much everything ourselves and people will just have to use the wetwipes cause we're serving BBQ no matter what!!!
Thank you for sharing your story!!
I just have to say that I love your approach to wedding planning. I am in process of building a database to help bring brides and vacation rental owners together since I also see the great value in the ability to spend quality time with family and friends. I can't wait to plan my own budget wedding using great advice from brides out there that aren't afraid to challenge the norm! Thanks so much for leading by example.
WOW you have just given me a second light into the way i am thinking about our wedding.
Its only early days for me and already im like 'ok krys take a step back and think about that again'.
Iv never attended a wedding, but i am an event manager, i like to make decisions but i also like the input from my fiance, (whom cnt make decisions) so trying to make choices together seems impossible.
After reading your blog and bookmarking it to keep refering back to for a smile and positivity im feeling alot more certain about what we would like rather then what we should have.
Love your work and thanks for the inspiration.
krys and june xx
Man I wish I had found this website about 8 months ago. I am wrapped up in the middle of the wedding industry right now, partly due to the fact that I agreed to let my parents help pay for things. I'm pretty sure my fiance and I could have had a $2000 wedding too if my parents hadn't been involved.
So now things are all fancy and high-end with my $12,000 wedding. But your post has helped inspire me to bring the wedding back to earth and keep it simple. Thanks for being inspiration for all of us!
We tried to keep our budget at $2000 also, but failed ^_^;; My dress was $50(orig.$1400 dress, the dress shop was going out of business, the dress was in really bad shape with beads falling off and tan make up everywhere inside, but I know how to fix beads and clean the dress so there is no dirt or make up left, Everyone thought it was new - but it took 12 hours for the task!). Cake $150 (25 individual cake of 3" diameter and one 9" cake), $300 hair & make up, $90 favors (pear magnets and salt & pepper shakers in pea pods), veil $50, just plain one + swarovsky crystals I bought sewn on by myself. Titanium wedding bands: $600 total. $300 on two dinners for all the guests (20 guests - korean bbq, noodles, fried foods, salads and other stuff) and cabin (22 people cabin put down $900 and rest covered by the guests, for three nights four days on weekend). Wedding service by highmountainweddings.com which includes limo, champagne, bouquets for bride and maids, boutonnieres, and exchange of vows and taking us to the beautiful location at emerald bay, photos: $1200 (including state park fee) good wine from ferrari carrano (healdsburg) winery $150 and for non-drinkers, sonoma sparklers(at bevmo!) $50. Sodas, beers, Plates, Utensils $100 from costco. My own Bouquet I specially wanted: 30 assorted tulips from Proflowers (delivered straight to cabin the day before)+ribbons, bouquet cuffs I made $60. Acrylic Nails I can do $10 (don't do it if you don't know how to do it nicely). Maids gift (Cape to be worn over their dress + alteration to match the dress) $60. Maids dresses (I didn't want them to pay for it - bought $300 dresses at the fore-mentioned shop for only $10, self-cleaned, got it altered for size for $40 each - bridesmaids think they're new because there's not even a spot of dirt!): $100 My husband's tux + alteration $650 (couldn't avoid this since his step mother cleaned his closet in their house before we had a chance to pick up stuff and she gave away the versace suit he was going to wear - my husband's well-built so he cannot fit into normal suits without heavy alterations) Caketiers+decorations+candles at cabin $100 Games were brought by everyone who could think of them (ps2 rockband, all kinds of card games with my 500 poker chips case, board games, karaoke machine by my best friend):free games! Shoes: wore what I have. Jewelry: wore what I had: pearl collection my husband gave me for engagement. miscelleneous fees including gas and stuff to drive to lake tahoe: ~$300
Overall We spent somewhere around ~$5000. But it was so worth it! The cabin had spa, sauna, huge kitchen, deck with heat lamps, pool table, poker table, etc. etc. Guests had option of staying with us, but also didn't have to. Couples got priorities in rooms and was first come first serve (in payment), and singles paid less to sleep in the livingroom.
Wow, I really loved this. Even though I have a larger budget, I appreciate the spirit of how you guys planned your wedding and the Values you infused into the whole event. I just emailed the link to my fiance, I know he'll feel the same way.
sara - i hope that you're still checking in with this blog, because i'm in need of help. my fiance and i have long planned that our wedding would fall within the larger picture of a family/friend, laid-back reunion of sorts. with multiple communal meals. and as many of us staying together as possible.
now, in the beginnings of actually trying to sort out where to host our happy weekend...i'm running into stumbling blocks and a refusal to think outside the box (and apparently health codes?) as none of the b&bs/inns i speak to are willing to let guests in their kitchen for food preparation. this is regardless of the fact that my family would rent out the entire facility. while i understand this...i'm wondering how you worded your request when you were talking to the different B&B options you considered?
thank you so much for your time...
Hi Laura,
I'm sorry to hear about your frustration! We had to find the most laid back B&B possible. The owners, Cathy and Cory, were willing to do anything to make our event exactly the way we wanted it. It meant that we had to compromise on the aesthetics (the buildings were older and pretty basic), but it was totally worth it. It also helped that the B&B was off the beaten path. They do a lot of reunions and retreats, so they were used to people wanting to use their kitchens. Best of luck to you!
I am inspired.
Thank you for being so honest about your wedding planning journey - it's a remarkable read! I'm sure I will frequent your site a zillion times in the upcoming months as our wedding is planned.
sigh, I'm so glad I read this. I just got engaged to my boyfriend of TEN years (highschool sweethearts) two months ago. We waited so long to get married because we never really saw the need to have a huge wedding, but now that we're thinking about a family the time has come and we are ready to publicly commit to one another.
Thank you for writing this. I've always said that I don't want a typical wedding, but the more I try on gowns and the more I read bridal magazines, and the more I gush over my ring and talk to my bridesmaids, the more I'm succumbing to the craziness!!!
I need to remind myself that I've never really had fun at a wedding, that I don't want an emcee forcing my guests to eat their salad or dance and instead that I need to create a memorable experience.
Time to take a step back. We are fortunate enough to have monetary contributions from both of our families so we COULD have a $30k wedding, but I'm keeping my fingers crossed it ends up feeling like US rather than some boring New York wedding.
Time for me to read your whole blog, haha.
i am so glad to have come across your blog. i come from the philippines and here, DIY is unheard of. people think that having a great wedding equates to having the designer gown, imported flowers, four-tiered fondant cakes and expensive china and silver. i balk at the thought of cathedral ceremonies and grand ballrooms.
so reading your blog is a godsend. i don't have a lot of money, and several times i've wanted to cry because i couldn't have what i thought i wanted to have in my wedding. thanks to you, i've realigned my vision with my fiance's (he tends to be the more practical one), with our budget, and with what the wedding is really supposed to be--a celebration of love and life. thank you thank you thank you!
I wish I had read this blog a year ago and had been more adamant with my fiancee about keeping our wedding small and the costs low so we actually had some money to start our life together. The Wedding Industrial Complex should be outlawed. Congratulations to all of you who have managed to remain rational and not spend an outrageous amount of money for a one day event.
I love everything you are saying, truly - but sometimes we just don't have a choice when it comes to a lot of aspects of our wedding. Marrying into another culture that considers weddings to be a time to throw the biggest party ever... and if you don't get invited to someone's wedding that you barely even know it's a direct insult - you have a lot to deal with.
Ideally, we would have liked to do a much smaller wedding, and do a lot of things ourselves, but when your wedding OOT, it makes it that much harder.
It's great that you're giving advice, but honestly sometimes a ridiculously large wedding can not be helped, no matter HOW much a bride and groom protest.
You are so inspiring, I know you have heard this about 2000 times by now, but it is so true! I ecspecially love your 10-10-10 rule. I have already booked most my vendors, but plan to keep to a tighter budget and concentrate on the friends and family that are coming!!
Thank you!
Wow everything that you guys did seemed like a success. I would definitely like to try to make my wedding happen within $2000. Very inspiring! Would you by any chance post up a picture of your wedding rings? Would love to see how that came out.
your wedding was amazing! I wish I'd found your blog before I started planning!
You are truly inspirational. I feel so much better after reading your blog. I have been so stuck on how to plan a wedding with hardly any money and got so caught up in the craziness of where and how that I just did not think it was possible to find a solution. I love your idea about the Quilt. I started sewing pillows to raise money for my wedding and the idea of asking friends and family to donate fabric for a quilt is a fabulous idea. Thank you and Congrats to you and your husband!
wow ..just wow.
this is EXACTLY the type of wedding we want. exactly. and we're really concerned about money too, so all of your ideas really helped.
we don't plan on being married for another couple of years but i've already started planning in my mind & we've talked about what WE want for our day. we'd like to be outside, grow our own flowers, have family help out with music and planning, etc. we want it to be a reunion as well - our idea was to rent out this boy scout camp across from my family's cottage & make a whole weekend out of it.
your wedding looked beautiful, sweet and fun. i hope ours turns out as good as yours did! :)
This is So. Cool. Your wedding brought tears to my eyes, it's really what I want. Thank you for sharing.
This has really helped me put things concerning my wedding into perspective and made me re-realize what's really important about the whole shin-dig. Thank you so much.
Oh, bless you! You are a SAINT. Thank so you much for condensing seven months into one easy-to-read post. This will prove so useful for me in my own planning process: I want cake-and-punch at the church, he wants a shindig with a bar. We'll be on a tight budget (We're both in grad school), but I know your experiences will help us meet in the middle to create a meaningful experience for both us and our families and friends.
Thanks again!
Might I just say Thank You! I am planning a wedding with just as little fuss and it seems as though no one other than my fiance can accept that I don't want to stress the small stuff. My mother is freaking out because I don't want a cake topper, and I'm wanting to pull my hair out, not over the wedding, but over the fact that no one can leave me alone about it!! I really appreciate that you have the real point of getting married in mind, it's not about the wedding it's about the union between two people in love.
thank you so much for writing this. im getting married in september. my fiancee is in college and we have very little to spend on our wedding. the feeling of reunion is exactly what we want on our day. i was feeling a little overwhelmed and stressed about how we were going to pay for it when i stubled across your article, i feel better. BBQ and a keg it is! thanks again.
This has got to be the most inspiring wedding story that I have ever heard. Your vows made me cry!! I'm not kidding..thank you so much for this. I have some many ideas now for my wedding. This is so real, so genuine, so hopeful. Thank you thank you thank you.
I found this blog at just the right time. Just today I IM'd my fiance to complain about centerpieces - and I've always said "who the f**k notices centerpieces?" It's like the wedding industrial complex is sneaking in while I'm asleep and whispering in my ear. :)
Thanks for reminding me of what the original plan was.
This is an incredibly inspiring wedding story. I cried reading the blog. Thanks for making it real and you.
THis is awesome, I am going to put it on my page so people that I am photographing weddings for can see how much they can save!! BTW, VOWs were totally awesome and had me tearin up!! Amy
I stumbled across your page yesterday and was amazed. This is exactly what I've been trying to explain to everyone that I want. My fiance and I have both been married before and we have three children between us, so money is very tight. At this point in our lives, we just have more important things to spend our money on than a big wedding. I had the big church wedding the first time, with every decision made by everyone else but us, and I hated every moment of it. My fiance got married at the courthouse, and he insists that he is not doing that again. We have lived together for six years in unwedded harmony, but decided that we were both ready to make our commitment permanent. The first thing we did in planning our wedding was sit down and make a list of the things that were most important to us (i.e. comfortable clothes (me), a band (him), etc.)We then picked the top three off of each list to help us prioritize what was most important to us. Not surprisingly, our wants sounded alot like yours. We just wanted to have all of our decisions be important and reflect what was important to us. When we started discussing our plans with others, we got blank stares or comments like "You're going to be so disappointed when things don't work like you want them..." Thank you for showing us that it can be done. My mother is making my dress (a very comfortable one that I can wear all day) and dresses for my girls, which I feel makes that part more meaningful and we are going to write our own vows too. None of this 'til death do us part' stuff. Thank you again for confirming my decisions and showing us that it is possible.
I was young (23) when I got married, but aware enough not to be sucked in to all the hoopla. I remember someone trying to sell me something for the 'best day of your life' and my response was that if the best day of my life is at 23 what do I have to look forward to.
For sure it is up there as a great day, but 14 years later, the birth of my children also rate pretty highly!
First of all u have to know that im from ARGENTINA ( a beautiful country on the south of america!) i was so nervous because ill be married in a month with my 2 years and 5 month boyfriend haha so....i have to say that God bring me to your blog i was so bad and sad cause im unemployeed since 2nd march and i decided to marrie a month before that and you know that is a problem nowadays but instead of all I NEEDED TO READ OR HEAR A PERSON SAYING U CAN MARRIE WITH A BIT OF MONEY IT IS NOT NECESSARY SPEND A LOT OF MONEY but not only saying that SHOWING TOO thanks God Ive found this blog it was an enormous help for me and helped me to be calm! I pray to God to bless your relationship, encourage every day to love protect and help ourselves and now that He is super happy for the dauther He has cause she was and is a help for a lot of people! Thanks a Lot!.....Muchas gracias! (in spanish that was thank you very much!)God bless your family too! Kisses and hugs from Argentina
I am a second-time bride. My soon-to-be husband is a second time groom. Together we have four children; two are ages 12 and two are age 15. We live in a manufacturing community in northcentral PA, one of the hardest hit areas of the current recession. Needless to say, saving money is paramount for the planning of our September wedding. I am inspired by your approach to your wedding planning. You clearly possess maturity and wisdom beyond your years! Even though I've been through this before, I admit I have succumbed to the fear and anxiety that surrounds the traditional expectations of hosting a wedding reception. You have helped me more than you can imagine. After reading your post I feel centered and more confident about asking my family and friends for more help. Thank you for sharing your story. You'll have to develop your "love" story into a book. It is sure to be a bestseller!
"But they were all the familiar things: With this ring, I thee wed. Love is patient, love is kind. To have and to hold from this day forward."
Far out, I was only saying to a workmate the other day, who is thinking of planning her wedding, how weddings are like being on a process line these days. They all have the same feel, use the same love is patient saying, all use Canon in D to walk down the aisle.... It seems to be all about money, outdoing the wedding you went to previously, doing one better than someone else. And while doing this, brides actually use the same thing. My idea of the perfect wedding was just like that growing up, BUT, after meeting "the one" like you, the whole feeling of a wedding has changed. Now all I really care about is the love we share, and the two of us celebrating that love together and making that committment. I wish I could meet more brides like that, just like you, to spread the original meaning behind a wedding!!
Love your blog!!
OK...truth in advertising first...I'm a wedding photographer. There I said it. Now for a $2000 wedding idea: Make little cards with your email address on it and the following; "Give Me Your Best Shot!" with instructions for your guests, all of whom have digital cameras or camera/cell phones, to send you 3 to 5 of their best pictures. The crazier the better.
Sometimes guests get better shots on their cell phones than I get on my $5000 pro camera. So have them send you their best shots!
Get 'em all in once place, go to "blurb.com" or one of it's clones and learn how make a book (it's easy).
There, now you've saved $2000 on a photographer. Hint: You have to be relentless in bugging everybody about sending their pictures to you!
Cheers, Dan Derby
p.s. love the website!
Thanks so much for sharing your story. I have been looking for inspiration for a simple, small, affordable, and wonderful wedding but haven't come across anything until now. Thanks for the fantastic perspective.
Well I love economic wedding.
I think I am an economic wedding photographer too. (=
http://www.giovannphotography.com
I don't see any costs for the venue, just a $120 credit from lodging. I'm assuming the fact that the guests stayed there give you free access to the facilities you wanted. How did you end up with a credit even after hiring the B&B staff to help out?
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