Tying the Knot in a Meaningful and Memorable Way (Without Losing Our Savings or Sanity)

Sunday, November 16, 2008

Disturbing Wedding Advice #5


Ugh. This little quip from the Wedding Industrial Complex makes me want to barf:

"After the wedding dress, the bride probably spends more time and thought on the wedding cake than anything else. This is the centerpiece of the reception, the item everyone gets to sample and it has to be perfect from the inside out. From the bottom to the top."

I can think of a lot of things that take precedence over the dress and the cake. How about things like:
  • How can I strengthen my relationship and plan for a successful marriage?
  • How do we plan a wedding that is meaningful?
  • Who am I? Who are we as a couple? How do we plan a wedding that reflects the answer to those questions?
  • What do we want to say about our wedding after it's over? How do we ensure we have that kind of wedding?
  • How do we distinguish between what our families want, what society tells us we have to do, and what really makes sense for us?
  • How do we keep costs down so we spend a reasonable amount for a one-day celebration?
  • How do we facilitate community and connection among families and friends who may be meeting for the very first time?
  • How do I keep myself sane in the crazy, wedding planning world?
Everyone has to have their own prioritized list of questions. My questions may not be the same as your questions.

I just hate the stereotype of the bride who only obsesses about the dress and the cake and the invitations....

See other disturbing wedding advice here


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10 comments:

Alison said...

I'm confused, should I be obsessing more over the cake (as this nugget dictates) or the flowers (as about.com tells me to)?? This wedding planning is tricky business indeed.

I have, however, been obsessing a bit over the canned good centerpieces. I attempted a mock-up, but the artistically stacking didn't turn out so well (it was a bit unstable, and I'm not entirely sure the guests would appreciate being bashed in the lap by cans all evening). Now I'm thinking about asking friends and fam to pitch in any baskets they might have lying around, but was wondering if you might have another idea?

Becca said...

Baskets would be a great idea. (use tissue paper and ribbon to make the arrangement more festive?) Also, if you already know where you're donating them, the shelter/food bank may already have baskets. Many food banks rent out canned good centerpieces to support their efforts - maybe you could borrow the baskets alone? Also, if you or your family belong to a church or religious organization, they may have baskets to borrow for a good cause as well! Also check Craigslist and freecycle. If not, and you have time before the wedding day, after Christmas or thanksgiving sales may have inexpensive baskets for sale.

Lesley said...

AMEN! Ugh it is disgusting how much tulle, powderpuff-overloaded organza-stuffed advice is shoved at us from sites like theknot.com and others. My head is swirling so much with bridal confusion that I honestly can't remember quite how I stumbled to this blog! haha. But what I can say is that it sounds like you and I have a lot in common with our approach of what is important to our wedding, and more importantly, a marriage. I hope to get a blog or site up soon so I will do my best to remember yours and add it to my blog roll if I can ever come up for air amidst all of the bridal bombardment!

VinceandBrittany said...

the CAKE?!?!??!

SERIOUSLY!???

Ridiculous.

B said...

Wow --- that is pretty terrible advice.

I guess I'm an anti-bride. I bought my dress online 24 hours after I found it, and never regretted the decision. We're nixing a cake since we don't really care for one, and are opting for a fun groom's cake instead as a surprise...

Most of our thoughts are going towards food and budget. We're trying to save money on the catering, but want our guests as full and comfortable as can be, and yes, that may mean using "uglier" chairs that are more sturdier.

Crazy WIC.

Caroline said...

I guess this doesn't really bother me that much.

I mean - this is *wedding* advice, not marriage advice. You go to websites like the Knot for advice on party planning, not strengthening your relationship - the WIC is about the party, not the marriage.

I mean, I look at it as they probably assume that you're doing all the relationship work on your own. And you aren't going to the WIC for advice on that. But you may need advice on flowers or place cards or menus, and that's what they do.

Kristy said...

Holy crap. Is that for real? I guess the more I see all the so-called "must haves" of a wedding, the less they matter to me. As long as I have my groom, our family, and our friends around (and the necessary paperwork, of course), I think I'll be happy.

Bridechka said...

Oh please, the cake is not a "must-have" (ya know like the actual must-haves: i.e. a partner who loves you, friends and family who want to wish you joy, etc) ... Lots of people have other fun sweets like cupcakes, or candies, or pies or nothing at all depending on their taste. If there are women out there obsessing over cakes and dresses, they must be either really bored or just ignorant because there are definitely more important things to spend your time worrying about!

Moxie said...

You have a good list of questions!

But I have to admit that the food, cake included, is pretty high on my list! I want happy bellies!

Kate said...

Ha ha ha! I love that they think this is still the 1960's! They probably expect the little wife to clean the house wearing an apron and pearls too!

I must say I finally got so disgusted with all the planning that my finace and I are going to elope! We found a package here on the beach in San Diego and for a very reasonable amount you show up with your 15 people and all walk to the beach together and just do it! They provide the flowers, rose petals, pictures, etc. All we do is pay and show up. We can modify our ceremony and our vows. We are thrilled that it is going to be the small and intimate ceremony that WE want, not what the wedding industry tries to throw at us!

We're keeping it very simple because at the end of the day all we want is each other. Slightly corny, but sighhhh ;)

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