Marisa over at Repeat Bride had an interesting post about fighting with your fiance.
I don’t know why we all don’t talk about it more. Do we worry that it means we’re with the wrong person? (*raising hand sheepishly even though I know better*) Do we wonder if other people will tell us we’re making a mistake if they know that we fight as often as we do? (*raising hand*) Are we hoping that it will all be better once we’re married and the silly stressors like napkin colors and the dreaded words “and date” have gone away? (*raising both hands*) Are we afraid to believe that life together might be as full of petty disagreements and frustrations as it is now? (*standing up and waving both arms in the air*)I agree that we don't talk enough about relationships. There's a disproportionate amount of talk about in the wedding world about mood boards and wedding shoes rather than how to deal with relationship conflict productively. Thanks for bringing up the subject, Marisa!
She goes on to ask:
Did things really get better after you got married?Matt and I definitely had conflict during our wedding-planning process. It was a stressful time with heightened emotion. Like a lot of couples, we had multiple things going on (for us it was trying to find new jobs, planning a move to Texas, getting a new dog, etc.).
However, in the grand scheme of a couple's life together, I imagine that wedding planning is probably not the most stressful life events. For starters, I imagine that having a kid is way more stressful. And coping with ailing family members? What about unexpected medical emergencies? Losing a job?
The problems that Matt and I had during our wedding planning process are still the problems we have now that we're married. When I'm stressed, I have very little patience and can be short with people. Plus, my sex-drive plummets. When Matt is in a bad mood, he sees everything through a warped lens that pushes him farther and farther into his bad mood.
When we went through the stress of having our cars stolen, all of our conflict pattern emerged. When we go through periods of work-related stress (e.g., working long hours and traveling all the time), again, the conflict emerges.
I think the trick is learning how to deal with the conflict in ways that build rather than break your relationship. It's definitely easier said than done. But it's something we're working on. And fortunately, Matt and I are both committed to doing everything we can to get better at it.