Tying the Knot in a Meaningful and Memorable Way (Without Losing Our Savings or Sanity)

Monday, March 30, 2009

Letter from a Reader

Letter from a 2000dollarwedding kindred spirit:

I recently joined the ranks of the engaged, the ranks of which I thought I would never join. I never wanted a wedding or a marriage or a husband...but funny enough, things changed when my boyfriend/soulmate/love-of-my-life/father to our cat with whom I have lived for 3 years surprised me with a ring and a question. So here I am, trolling the Internet trying to navigate this whole wedding thing. The best post I've ever read online about weddings is one from
Craigslist:
So, first of all, congratulations to my good friends who got married last weekend. Congratulations, “mazel tov,” good luck. It was great and I hope you guys are happy forever. That said, I couldn’t help but look around at your wedding and think, “Wow. I don’t want any of this.” But don’t think that your wedding specifically turned me off to weddings. No, we are all now in our late twenties and wedding invitations appear in the mail with almost the same frequency that delivery guys slip take-out menus under my door. And now, having attended and been in a few weddings, I can’t help but think “I don’t want any of it.” I don’t want a country club or a church. I don’t want a hotel ballroom or a big white tent. I don’t want a priest or a rabbi. I don’t want 200 people there who I don’t even know. I don’t want numbered tables. I don’t want to put all of my random “single” friends at one table in the corner of the room, making them feel even more alienated than they already are at a stereotypically “coupled” event. I don’t want bridesmaid drama. I don’t want all of my bridesmaids wearing the same ugly color and the same ugly dress and hating their shoes so much that they curse me behind my back. I don’t think I even want bridesmaids. I don’t want anyone to sign a guestbook where they have to come up with some spontaneous wisdom about love and happiness. I don’t want cute little party favors with the bride’s and groom’s names scripted in gold, proclaiming “our special day.” I don’t want people to figure out their seating arrangements by picking up their party favors, which are also wrapped in pink chiffon. I don’t want a big white dress. I don’t want to have to ask friends and cousins whom I see maybe once a year if their 5-year-old son/daughter whom I don’t even really like can be my ring bearer/flower girl. I don’t want guys in blue shirts and khaki pants measuring each others’ dicks with the phrase, “So, what do you do?” I don’t want bored out of their mind cater waiters and bartenders, who hate weddings in a way that even I will never understand. I don’t want “cocktail hour” and passed hors d’oeuvres and most people only caring about getting buzzed before the open bar ends. I don't want to mail out then sort through 300 invitations to find out who wants steak and who wants salmon. I don’t want to be registered at Crate&Barrel. I don’t want my friends finding that all the cheaper items on my registry are gone and that, like, five of them have to go in on a set of overpriced knives. I don’t think I want a registry at all. I don’t want to have to kiss all of my mother’s friends on the cheek, or, even worse, all of my future mother-in-law’s friends. I don’t want a color “scheme.” I don’t want a creepy DJ or a weird band that does a cover of YMCA. And I don’t want the place turning the lights up at 10:30 telling us it’s time to leave. But I do want cake.



Share |

30 comments:

jmc said...

Jeez Louise. Okaaaay.

SH said...

LOL

As someone who's gone to about 6 weddings over the last year, love it.

Sisca said...

I wish they'd said a little more about what they do want. It's a catchy and funny (albeit in a depressing sort of way), but lacked real substance to me...

megan said...

it's funny, but definitely a little sad.

i'm not having ANY of that (except a pastor and the dress), and i'm still having a traditional wedding. my undramatic bridesmaids love their dresses and they can wear ballet flats; i'm getting married at a park in a busy historical district; i'm giving out favors but refuse to have anything engraved; my bartender, musician, and photographer are all friends; noone is invited whom i don't know; people are actually excited about this event, because it's equivalent to a party where everyone knows each other.

my point is, it's not fair to stereotype every wedding that way...you can go against all of the stuff you don't want and still have a fairly traditional wedding (or non traditional, who cares?.) that's what has me excited about THIS site- ideas for the unexpected that will make the guests smile.

Roxanne said...

I agree with Megan. I understand a lot of stuff is over done, but at the end of the day if that's how you feel about all weddings YOU are the one missing the point entirely. Does a wedding with a lot of people mean they are all strangers? Does having bridesmaids mean they are automatically uncomfortable and in ugly dresses?

I like satire but this is a little beyond satire and too cynical for my taste. People are inviting you to share in what they consider a very special occasion. Maybe this person should just...stay home.

Marte said...

Hmmm, interesting that most commenters are actually peeved by this open letter. I wasn't at all offended. It's just somebody saying that he/she doesn't want these things, not that you can't want them... And also, I think it's good to think about stuff that sounds nice on paper (lots of guests) or look good in pictures (favors, nicely crafted tablenumbers) or are just highly valued by the WIC might not work as well in real life, on a real wedding.
I think it's very healthy to think about these things from another perspective.

kla_texasgirl said...

I think if I had read this 6 months to a year ago I would have been thinking, "but those things are great, and everything a wedding should be" now I'm thinking, "hmmm one can still have an amazing celebration without any of that stuff". Strange how my perspective has changed, especially since I thought the "typical" stuff would get more important to me as I planned my wedding, not less important.

zoliepup said...

I like the spirit of this letter... All she's saying is that we should be mindful of what we're doing, and make it reflective of us, not the WIC.

Marina said...

I like this letter. I think this is really sad that this is what "wedding" means to most of us, that it's so predictable that every. single. wedding. will do these exact same annoying things, to the point where this poster can't even imagine what she -does- want, just what she doesn't.

Also it gives me hope that my wedding actually will be enjoyable, even when I'm freaking out that my guests might hate me for not having diet soda or something.

anna said...

This made me laugh after a weekend being quizzed about who will be in my bridal party (what bridal party?), definitely not wanting a coloured wedding dress (oh really?), definitely having to have gardenias in my bouquet (uh huh?), and the list goes on.

My wedding will have no tulle, no bows, nor anything else that now leaves me cold after working for a wedding caterer when I was a student. It will have fun, family, friends and good food.

Tracy said...

Amen, sister! That's exactly what I thought and why I did it MY way and to hell what anyone thinks/though!

Anonymous said...

Ahh...this is exactly how I feel...I'm emailing it to my mom, maybe that will help her see where I'm coming from (and she really is trying).

Miss Rye Bread said...

ooo... I want cake, too.

Emilia Jane said...

ditto. and bring on the cake.

sera said...

This so sums up what I don't want. And how I have figured out (at least so far) what I do. While I wish I was having a smaller, outdoor wedding in our backyard we have too many friends and family and people that I do actually know and, I just want a good party.
I have no bridesmaids, no ring bearer, no flower girl, I don't think I want my dad to walk me down the aisle. I won't do party favors because I hate that crap, and no monograms because no one else wants our monograms, I have no poofy white dress, there will be no tulle, or covered chairs, or garter throwing or bouquet throwing. And when its time for cake it will be cheesecake. and if my guests feel like they missed something - they came to the wrong wedding.

rachelllynn said...

i think i had this same rant last week

Rachael Eisner said...

Here here! Have what you want. marry your soul mate, and have cake.

Diana said...

Oh boy! That's quite the letter. I loved it. It's a lot of don't wants and not a lot of wants, but who cares. The parts about other people (dramatic bridesmaids, mother-in-law's friends, etc...) was a little depressing. I mean you do have a say in who you have stand next to you, and who you are friends with in the first place, as well as who you invite.

Thankfully most of my friends and family think like I do and I can eliminate some of the hassle.

I feel like she just described the episode of Rich Bride, Poor Bride I watched last night. It was so bad I had to turn it.

un-bride said...

Ha! I love it. And I don't want most of those things, either.

But YES on the cake.

heather said...

LOVE IT!

Anonymous said...

http://dir.salon.com/story/mwt/col/lamott/2003/07/18/flower_girl/index.html

Hannah Noel said...

There a lot of things on this list I do and don't agree with. Oh, and as crazy as this sounds, I don't really want cake haha.

Charlotte said...

AMEN!

Isn't it great you don't need all that stuff to be married?

I haven't seen the registry question addressed here much, but I'm really happy with how ours went down. Perhaps I should query...

Vestirdeblanco said...

No bridesmaid, no unknown guest, no table with number, no puffy dress, no registry... I think this guy would love our wedding. Despite the fact that there is no cake (and yes, it's a wedding)...

MrsC2b said...

cake is always the answer to those pesky wedding decisions

Leah said...

I'm a Christian and have noticed a distinct difference between Christian and non-Christian weddings.

Christians generally place a higher importance on marriage. Probably due to this, they tend to enjoy weddings more, whether they are a part of the bridal party or a guest. I've been a bride once and bridesmaid twice and there hasn't been any problems in any of the bridal parties. Christians aren't interested in getting drunk at the wedding. They don't like 'asking' for gifts, so rarely create registers (in Australia at least). They generally like to keep costs down, which cuts out a lot of the extra bits and pieces. The bridesmaids I've worked with have always been completely flexible and happy to wear pretty much whatever, and the bride has always been careful to select a style that flatters all of her bridesmaids.

In short, I've never encountered any of the problems this poster "didn't want". The other stuff, like decorations and chiffon and colour schemes, well that's just personal preference. Who cares :P

Anonymous said...

what makes anyone think that anyone else cares what you don't want? Just elope and spare everyone your bad attitude.

Anonymous said...

Ha! This made me laugh. Cake has always been the best part for me. And for me I could do away with most of the other filler stuff and just enjoy the cake. We recently began planning our wedding. After arguing about how to make every item as cheap as possible, I have realized an even cheaper way to go would be to get rid of things that I don't need in the wedding. I won't remember in 50 years when we look back at our life together all the silly details that bridal magazines are trying desperately to sell me on. But the cake...

Anonymous said...

In my own personal experience, Christian weddings in America are not much different from non-Christian weddings. In fact, many of them fit the type that the writer of the article was bashing on! It isn't the religion that matters: it is the people. I am not a Christian and I definitely focus on the marriage and love aspect of the wedding more than everything else.

Anonymous said...

My name is James Cossette I was browsing internet and found your blog. The author did a great job. I will subscribe to your RSS feeds. Thank you for your contribution. I am a web designer myself. And here some examples of the websites that I designed for cash advance online payday loans company.

Related Posts with Thumbnails