Tying the Knot in a Meaningful and Memorable Way (Without Losing Our Savings or Sanity)

Saturday, March 28, 2009

Q & A: Dealing with Rude People

Reader Question: We are only spending $4,000 on our wedding and much of it will be DIY. I got an interesting comment the other day: "Maybe you should cancel all of your plans and wait a little bit longer so that you can spend more money on your wedding."

Did you ever get any of this? How did you deal with it?

Usually I am not an advocate of rude responses to rude questions. But seriously? Cancel your wedding until you can save more money to spend on it? I would just say, "We've chosen to make our wedding meaningful and memorable with sincerity and heart, not money. Too bad you won't be there to experience it."


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16 comments:

Angela said...

I. Love. You.

Anonymous said...

i've had over a 2 year engagement and just want to be married. I wouldn't want to wait any longer to be married to the love of my life and that's all that matters!

Samantha said...

HUZZAH!

Ms Shanna said...

Spending so much money on a wedding is so impractical anyway... think of how you could use that money for a honeymoon or a house or something! If you're saving for something in particular or need to pay for something in particular, why don't you try telling them about that? "We'd rather save the money so we can buy a house together."

megan said...

i agree with sara! that was a blatantly rude question, so i wouldn't mind giving a blatantly rude answer back. i'd probably even ask them if they were serious. i sincerely hope that person won't be there to judge your day, which sounds like it will probably be wonderful.

Hannah Noel said...

Oh WOW. I can't believe someone would say something like that!!

megan said...

speaking of budgets- msn has an "under $10,000 wedding" article on its homepage. it's from The Knot and has some good ideas, so it might be worth looking at. i might steal the nautical rope idea for the boutineers. however, i do think they can emphasize that beautiful weddings CAN be cheaper than 10,000...but at least it's a step in the right direction from the average $27,000 dollar mark.

Mary Lorraine said...

I was (for shame, I know) watching a wedding show the other night on WE or Lifetime or one of those other channels marketed toward women. They were highlighting a $15,000 wedding and described the budget as "barely making a splash." How wonderfully condescending. While I do technically have $15,000 I could theoretically spend on my wedding, my $5000 budget I'm doing my best to remain within and below is my choice and should be respected, much like this reader's $4000 budget, whatever their reasons.

mim said...

great reply, sarah! it's unbelieveable to me how people can make such thoughtless comments

foxxxyboxxxy said...

if i were the reader, id either tell them to eat my ass with a spoon.... =)

The Future Mrs. FF said...

That is crazy and sad.. We are only spending 5000.00 simply because it is not a big priority for us. We would rather had a BAD A$$ honeymoon. Or landscape our house, or a new furinture. Something besides flowers, and lace! But that is just us! I say hang in there and I am sure it will be beautiful, wonderful, full of love, and be your wedding!

very married said...

the funny thing is that $4000 IS a lot of money to a lot of people. the idea that you should hold off on getting married to spend more is pretty much crazy!

Anonymous said...

That reminds me of a destination wedding I just attended, where someone said to me, "Everyone is saying that you and your fiance should have your wedding in Mexico next year."

And without even thinking I said, "Oh, yeah? Do they want to pay for it?"

I only feel bad because the person I said this to is my future mother-in-law.

sera said...

I feel lucky that so far I have not had anyone say this sort of thing. In fact, I'm trying come in under 10k and my mom is still choking a little on the price tag. In fact, I'm still choking on the price tag. For one day? I keep thinking about trying to buy a house. Doesn't that seem more important than a party?

ETCIllustration said...

I'm always one to give the benefit of the doubt, so for all I know that comment was said in jest or maybe it was said innocently (and ignorantly) by someone who does not understand tact? I'd love to believe that it wasn't said to hurt anyone's feelings. Maybe a good response would simply be: "That's an incredibly rude thing to say, So-and-So." Then YOUR response isn't rude, but you're not letting him/her get away with it.

Then again, regardless of your budget--it could be $4,000 or $40,000--no one, and I mean NO ONE, should tell you to cancel your wedding for money reasons. For ANY reasons! So maybe I shouldn't try to be so nice and simply call the person a d-bag.

alexa said...

Whew! I'm sure ours will be closer to 7 or 10 or 15k, just because we are in the Bay Area, [and my mom can afford it], but seriously, wow!
Keeping costs down for her, for us, for our guests is definitely on our minds, but most especially to not be ridiculously WIC about it~!

People sure can be rude... sheesh!
Best wishes, everyone!

(we just got engaged & haven't even started looking at stuff yet, beyond some rings online. Why hurry and stress?)

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