My Real Wedding from The Knot and The Nest.
I still get e-mail messages from The Knot, and they continue to crack me up.
The most recent message was: "Think you had the best wedding of 2008?"
First of all, there is no such thing. A wedding is not a horse running around a track trying to beat other horses. A wedding is not a scantily clad beauty queen competing for a first-place sash.
I decided to do a little investigation to see what this is all about (I'm procrastinating, really, from two PowerPoints and two handouts I need to create for a college course at the end of the month). The site lets you upload seven pictures from your wedding, enter a brief description of each photo, and then categorize each picture as one of the following details (in this order):
- Bridal Party
I decided to upload our wedding as a counter-example to the dominant narrative that tells us weddings are primarily about pretty flowers, big cakes, and invitations.
As I started uploading my pictures, however, I started to feel insecure. We didn't have gorgeous stationery or flowers or a traditional wedding cake. What if The Knot's readers only gave our wedding one or two stars?
It's the same insecurity I felt when Matt and I were planning our wedding. Blog after blog would highlight professional photographs focused on the aesthetic details of beautiful weddings. My immediate reaction was jealousy. I would then have to remind myself that we were choosing not to spend time/energy/money on those things. We decided to spend our time/energy/money on creating the best possible wedding for us, not the best possible wedding for The Knot.
And that's what everyone should aim for: The Best Possible Wedding for You. That may mean beautiful stationery, pretty flowers, and a big cake. Or not. It's up to us. We should use our own visions and our own goals to drive our decisions, not visions and goals bestowed upon us by the Wedding Industrial Complex.