I wanted to share a recent e-mail with all of you because you may be facing a similar struggle. I know I can certainly relate to the sentiment she expresses. Here's what she had to say:
It continues to break my heart every time I hear about people who are going through heart- and gut-wrenching wedding planning processes. Planning a wedding can be so, so difficult.I am spending a lot of money on my wedding.....and it makes me want to vomit every time I think about it. I truly wish I wasn't so easily influenced by what is expected of me. Many times I want to fire my florist, diy my own flowers, cancel the over-priced venue and book a spot in the park and have a potluck and say screw it to the DJ, the etiquette..I am so fearful that either way I will have regrets. I will regret not having all the lovelies and regret the whispers behind my back that will say, "Oh, poor them, they must be so broke they had to make their own flowers and have a bbq." I am 32 and still easily influenced by EVERYONE. I raise my glass to you for being quite the individual and having the balls to show it!!
A wedding is at the intersection of so many different influences. Family dynamics can be hard. Sometimes families have struggles with control or parents have their own regrets that they want to rectify through their children's choices or parents have their own insecurities and want to use their child's wedding to represent themselves well.
And then we have friends whom we want to value, love, and appreciate us. Sometimes their ideas about what a wedding should be conflict with our own and we feel the tension.
And then there's the Wedding Industrial Complex--the alliance of vendors, magazines, and other cultural entities--who are out to make as much money as they can and therefore capitalize on the emotional tumult of many brides-to-be. They tell us that we need to buy x, y, and z (and then a, b, and c) in order to ensure that our once-in-a-lifetime day is perfect.
And then there's the stress of planning such an important event, while still trying to maintain our responsibilities in Real Life. One partner may be more excited about planning, which creates disequilibrium in the relationship. Additionally, the stress of a seemingly endless to-do list can lead one to stop making time for other things that help ward off stress: date nights, exercise, cleaning up around the house, _____ (insert your own strategies for coping with stress...).
So, dear Reader, my heart goes out to you. I leave you with these quotes, which I just came across in one of my old journals:
"There are two things a person should never be angry at, what they can help, and what they cannot."--Plato
"Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a harder battle."--Plato
"When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries of life disappear and life stands explained."--Mark Twain