You see, our biggest difficulty is that Matt wants to have sexual intercourse more frequently than I do.
It's difficult to get at the route of the issue. I think there are several different issues at work. On my end, I think I respond to stress differently than Matt does. The more stress I have in my life and the busier I am, the less I want to have sex. On the other hand, the more stress Matt has and the busier he is, the more he wants to have sex.
I also know that I have issues with control (meaning, I like to be in control), so I wonder if I subconsciously relish the control I get from being the one who always decides when we have sex.
I also wonder if I just have a low libido. I once read a book all about a woman who had a low sex drive. She opted to start putting a hormone ointment on her vagina, and her sex-drive skyrocketed.
On Matt's end, I think his "language of love" is physical touch, so I think he feels unloved if I don't want to have sex. If it's been a while since we've had sex, he can start to get pouty. These moods feel "desperate and demanding" to me, which makes me less inclined to have sex.
Those are the only possible causes that come to mind, although I'm open to myriad other possibilities that we haven't considered. The situation has been exacerbated lately with my pregnancy, and it will only cause more tension when we move into the later stages of my pregnancy and when we have an infant.
We started looking into couples' counseling a while ago, as part of our pre-conception planning, but we realized that our insurance doesn't cover therapy, so we kind of lost steam. Then last month, my midwife asked, "What's stressing you out the most?" I explained our situation, and she said that we should seek help. She recommended a person to help us with this specific issue.
I'll definitely keep you updated about how it goes! I'm nervous, but I'm eager to deal with our problem in a proactive way. I think it's easy for small fissures in a marriage to become deep cracks.