Tying the Knot in a Meaningful and Memorable Way (Without Losing Our Savings or Sanity)

Sunday, July 13, 2008

Disturbing Wedding Advice #2

When I was searching around for some directions about bouquet making, I came across this tutorial, which included more disturbing wedding advice:

"But in any wedding, the flowers set the tone, add color and fragrance, and are one of the things that the guests really remember. So don't skimp."

Do you really want the flowers to be the thing that sticks out in your guests' mind when they look back on your wedding?

I am not a design scrooge. I very much appreciate aesthetics and the overall feel of a room, an event, a space. I understand the connection between aesthetics and emotion.

But I also firmly believe there are many, many more important things for a couple to obsess about, such as:
  1. How do we create a ceremony that makes guests feel, "Wow, that was so sincere and authentic. I feel privileged to have witnessed their public declaration of love and commitment"?
  2. How do we plan a reception that helps people from two different camps somehow feel connected to each other? How do we plan a reception that is purely and simply fun and enjoyable for both our guests and ourselves? How do we maximize the amount of time we get to spend with those who matter to us most?
  3. What kind of wedding planning process should we partake in so we minimize stress, enjoy ourselves, and don't let our wedding outsize our relationship?
  4. How do we ensure that our wedding is about us and not anybody else's desire to put on some kind of show?
Granted, flowers may part of the answer to one of those questions (or there may be other important questions for you and your spouse-to-be). But I would wager that they are only a small part.

One of the tactics of the Wedding Industrial Complex is to get us to obsessively ask questions that can be answered by purchasing something. How can I make my wedding beautiful? Flowers, chair-covers, matching bridesmaids dresses, more flowers, tablecloths, coordinated napkins. How can I be beautiful? An expensive dress, expensive shoes, new undergarments, hair styling, make-up, facials, manicure, pedicure, new jewelry.

I'm not suggesting that we give up all those details. I am suggesting, however, that we obsessively focus on asking and answering the important questions first.

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Jennifer said...

Gah, some wedding advice makes me want to scream. I had someone tell me, "Oh girl, you're gonna have to go get a facial and all that other stuff before your wedding. You know, wedding skin doesn't happen overnight." What?

So...I love your blog. You emphasize what is truly important: family, friends, and the marriage. Not flowers. Or fake cakes. Or wedding skin. I still don't know what that means.

Megan said...

Thank you for this blog.

Rebecca said...

My flowers will likely be one of the most memorable parts of my wedding to my aunt - not because they were outstandinly beautiful or expensive, but because she helped me make my bouquet and all the corsages. Exactly your point about giving everyone a role so they feel more conneted to the wedding.

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