There's a discussion happening over at A Practical Wedding about Save the Dates.
Matt and I didn't do anything fancy for those. We sent out an e-mail message with a link to a survey. We asked folks to tell us the likelihood that they would be able to attend (this helped us with the planning). We also gave them a chance to let us know if they would like to help in any way. It was practical and friendly on the budget and the environment.
For those guests who aren't tech savvy, we simply called. Of course the people on the list who weren't tech savvy were also the older folks, so they especially appreciated the personal call.
It was fun to read the survey responses as they trickled in.
I was a little disheartened by a comment left by one of Meg's readers about her Save the Dates. She wrote:
"My fiance had written a funny poem about us and we nearly used that... decided it was a little too irreverent for our audience. It was really funny, though!"
I understand the inclination to temper yourself a little bit. I did the same thing at my wedding. I really wanted to wear sunglasses during the ceremony, for example, but I figured people would find it really offensive that my partner wasn't able to look me in the eyes.
But we also did tons of crazy stuff, just because that's who we are. Let's see: there was our first dance to Prince's "Kiss," there was the fact that we didn't walk down an aisle, the dress that cost $15, the wedding party that didn't match, the bouquet that was put together from wild flowers an hour before the ceremony, the dog in the ceremony, the iPod instead of a DJ, the video with crazy pictures of our life together, the postcard invitation...I could go on.
The point is, we chose to do these things because we wanted our wedding to represent us. Since we only invited people who love us dearly, they also love our wedding (even though they may have been a little freaked out at times).
It just saddens me a bit that we live in a culture that is still Puritanical at its foundation. We censor our real selves because we want to fit in. We want to be accepted. We don't want to rock the boat.
But your wedding should be the fullest expression of who you are. You are sharing yourself and your love with your closest friends and family. Don't worry about being too irreverent! Just be yourself!
Thursday, September 4, 2008
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9 comments:
WORD. Thanks for this, Sara. I think all of us brides-to-be need to keep these sentiments in mind!
I just wrote something similar on my new sad little blog!
Our only problem is I'm a bit more irreverent than the future husband.
Whew. When I read the title of your post, I was afraid you were just going to tell me to "be myself" - which obviously, we do. But... on this front we're just having a hard time making up our minds/ coming up with ideas that match us. Our invites though... rock.
Anyway, I do, by and large, agree.
Fantastic post. I agree people should loosen up a bit and do what they really want. Trying to please other people never really works how you want it to, you're best off just being yourself and, like you say, the people who love you will go for it. The opinions of people who don't love you should not be front of mind on your wedding day!
Oh, and your survey was adorable :)
thanks so much for reminding all of us of that! I think if I can just keep in mind that it's all supposed to be fun, we'll be okay. So far, have only made the save the date cards - and I had a blast. In the next nine months, in the honor of us and our laid back selves, in the tradition of you and others, i pledge to enjoy the process of doing stuff first and foremost! thanks for that.
"It just saddens me a bit that we live in a culture that is still Puritanical at its foundation. We censor our real selves because we want to fit in. We want to be accepted. We don't want to rock the boat."
When you said this it maid my mind go crazy as I realized that I am not the only one who thinks this. My best friend got engaged a few months ago and has been planning parts of her wedding. Everything she does is because its what you're supposed to do. Such as asking your sister, who she hates, to be her maid of honor instead of a friend she likes. I always want to ask her where she learned what you are "supposed" to do for a wedding.
I've been reading your blog from cover to cover. Until I found your blog I was dreading the planning stage, but now I can't wait! You are an inspiration.
When I told my mom we would be sending online save the dates/invites, she literally gasped. It's going to be a bumpy ride. :)
I love the idea of the save the date survey. Did you find that the number of RSVPs from the survey were accurate? (PS I was a little shocked upon reading the survey b/c our guests also will have the option of staying in $35 rustic cabins, or off site.)
Thanks for an amazing blog.
@ ARrrrrr: Thanks! I really appreciate your kind words.
Yes, we found that the RSVPs from our online survey were pretty accurate. We asked them to indicate 100% likelihood, 75%, 50%, or 0%. A lot of the 50% ended up being no's (which we expected), and most of the 75% ended up being yes. It saved us a lot of wasted energy to not have to send invitations to people who definitely couldn't make it.
Best of luck to you!
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