When planning a wedding, there can be a lot of pressure to follow a particular formula, to adhere to a set of "traditions" that have been passed down through many generations. Sometimes these "traditions" are things we've been looking forward to incorporating into our weddings for a while. Other times, they can feel like shackles--uncomfortable binds that prevent us from moving freely and being our true selves.When we're planning our weddings, it can be easy to get caught up in the pressure to plan the wedding of somebody else's dreams. The truth is, the control is largely in our own hands. We have to enter into the process consciously. Of course there will be lots of conversation, conversion, and compromise needed. But at the end of the day, the vision, values, taste, and preferences embodied in our weddings should be ours, not everyone else's.
Books like One Perfect Day: The Selling of the American Wedding or this article (thanks, Sophie!) can be get places to turn to for a reminder that there are real economic forces at work trying to persuade us to have more and more expensive weddings. The truth of the matter is that the things we purchase for our weddings may or may not be connected to our more authentic reasons for getting married: community, connection, commitment, and fun. The choice is ours, and we can make those choices consciously.
4 comments:
Loved that book (on your recommendation). One interesting fact-- the idea that you neeeeeed a diamond ring or else you're not engaged?
DeBeers, early 20th century. Now it's "traditional!"
I know there are folks who are reluctant to get rid of some traditions because they might have a nice sentiment, or people have been looking forward to doing it, even if they are rooted in patriarchal thought (dad walking bride down the aisle for example) but man, the diamond engagement ring one is straight vintage WIC!
Very well put! Love is free.
I wish I had found your blog months ago, before my wedding was 90% planned, with my mother making too many decisions!
I wish I had found your blog months ago, before my wedding was 90% planned, with my mother making too many decisions!
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