As my Myers-Briggs personality type can attest to, I love to plan. For the most part, I enjoyed thinking through and planning the myriad details that culminated in our wedding.However, no matter how much I planned or how much I tried to control the outcome, at some point, I had to let go. I had to be okay with the fact that some things didn't go according to plan.
Take, for example, our dog's role in the wedding. The original idea was that he would stand next to Matt's brother, John, and look cute in his matching bandanna (which coordinated with my sash, flower pins for the wedding party, and Matt's tie). He would be there to reflect our broader commitment to our growing family and he would be part of our effort to share our life with our friends and family.
However, things did not go according to plan. Right when the wedding started and everyone assumed their places, Hoss started throwing up. Yes, vomiting rather visibly and audibly. Maybe it was stage fright? Maybe it was eating too much grass while we mingled before the ceremony?
Instead of freaking out or considering it some kind of omen for a doomed marriage, I simply laughed. And I laughed hard. And Matt laughed and our wedding party laughed and our nearest and dearest in the audience laughed. And then I wasn't nervous anymore. It was the best comic relief-ice-breaker that could have happened to us.
And I'm reminded of my friend Amanda's wedding where the maid of honor dropped the ring during the ceremony and we could all hear it hit the ground. And then there was my friend Allison's wedding where the power went out and her former students started singing a cappella.
Most of the pictures we see on websites and magazines make everything look "perfect." It can be so easy to unconsciously internalize messages about how a wedding is a "Once-in-a-Lifetime" opportunity. It's easy to feel pressured to get everything just right. We can do our best to make it the best possible wedding for us, but then we have to let go of the reins and just let it be what it is. For better or for worse.
8 comments:
Ha ha, I needed to hear that. I keep catching myself thinking how everything needs to be "perfect" which is just silly. Perfection is impossible to attain and if anything, all the little hitches that could happen will just make for funny stories to talk about later. ;)
Please stop it with the outdated pop psychology. It makes me T_T
I love the story about Hoss - it's a good thing that the ceremony was outdoors.
I found myself in Hoss's position a few years ago, when I vomited immediately after the ceremony. I had to race the bridesmaids out of the church before losing my lunch.
The food poisoning was pretty bad, but I have really fond memories of how well my friends took care of me that night. My college roommates took turns sitting with me and bringing me ginger ale, and the bride (also a college roommate) came to check on me midway through the reception. I felt really loved and cared for, and my friend still had a beautiful wedding.
It's actually very difficult to ruin an event centered around love, friendship, and family. Even with lots and lots of vomit.
Glad you kept your sense of humor :) Poor doggie.
This is just what I needed to hear right now. Thank you!
This is so true! When I got married, I really tried to think about all the things that could go wrong and how I would fix it. But on the day of the wedding, the reception hall's power went out and the front hallway started flooding.
Turns out my DJ had another job at a hotel, and we moved the whole party there- people, cupcakes, everything. It turned into an awesome party, and something to remember for sure!
I remember being the MOH in my sister wedding. She didn't have a ring bearer so myself and Best man were to carry the wedding rings for the ceremony. The photographer wanted to take pictures before the ceremony. So i asked what do i do with the grooms ring. They said just put it on your finger and hide it with your flowers. SO that's what we did. After the photos i looked down and the ring was missing. It had fallen off my finger and gotten lost in the grass. We never did find it.
I felt horrible, but our Grandfather ended up letting my Sister use his wedding ring as a stand in and turns out my Sister loved that even more because of the symbolism. Things can always go wrong but just have to remember why you are having the wedding in the first place :)
I'm planning my wedding at the moment and I have so enjoyed reading your blog - it's so nice to find like-minded people. Thanks for all the advice and words of wisdom!
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