Tying the Knot in a Meaningful and Memorable Way (Without Losing Our Savings or Sanity)

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Dealing with Imbalance in the Planning Process

I am a self-proclaimed Planner. I love planning. I love the list-making and the information gathering and the book reading. I love turning my lists into Excel documents and printing out checklists. Therefore, planning a wedding was right up my alley.

Matt, on the other hand, is more of a go-with-the-flow kind of kind. At times, it was difficult to find common ground during our collaborative wedding planning process. I was so urgent about everything; I found myself carrying the bulk of the to-do items simply because I knew what had to get done.

Now that Matt and I are planning for a baby, we're in a very similar situation. I find myself undertaking the majority of the tasks because I'm the one who generates them. I'm re-realizing that this kind of imbalance is not good, particularly because it results in different levels of investment. The more I worked on our wedding, the more invested I became. Similarly, the more I plan for our baby, the more invested I become.

I've been talking with Matt about how we can better balance out the preparation. I think that's step one in making things more balanced: Talk About the Issue.

I think another helpful strategy is to Divide and Conquer. When Matt and I were planning our wedding, for example, he was in charge of creating our iPod playlist. We agreed upon a date by which he would have the draft done. That way, he was free to work at his own pace without being micromanaged by me. With our baby preparation, he has things on his to-do list like, "Find and schedule an infant CPR class" or "Clean out the utility closet." It doesn't matter when or how he gets those done.

Another idea is to Set a Specific Time to Chat about the planning process. The more urgent planning partner may want to talk about wedding planning ALL-THE-TIME, which can really start to annoy the less-urgent partner. However, the more urgent partner can simply keep a list of all the issues that need to be discussed and then bring them up at the designated time (like Sunday over dinner). This kind of set-up can satisfy both partners' needs and ensure that stuff gets done.

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1 comment:

Lizzie said...

I definitely agree with setting up a specific time to chat...Isaiah gets exhausted when I bring up a little wedding stuff here...a little there...he starts to feel like we talk about it all the time...and I start to feel like we never actually talk about it. We just started having an hour or two set aside for wedding planning on Saturdays, we get some delicious beer and click through a list - vendors, venues, guest list...whatever...one at a time.

sorry for the super long comment!

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