Tying the Knot in a Meaningful and Memorable Way (Without Losing Our Savings or Sanity)

Monday, February 14, 2011

The "You'll See" Prophesy

I have to be honest and say that I wasn't really looking forward to my third trimester of pregnancy. I have heard all kinds of horror stories about how tired I would be, how much my back would ache, how I wouldn't be able to sleep, how heavy I would be--the list goes on and on. I was also told that I would be tired of being pregnant and that I would just want the baby to come.

Well, tomorrow is my due date and my back hasn't yet ached. Yes, I have to pee all night long, but I fall right back asleep super-quickly. My belly doesn't feel very heavy at all. And, I'm not tired of being pregnant. I simply look at each day as another opportunity to savor my freedom and my spontaneity and my alone time with Matt.

The truth is, we have a lot of power to shape our own experiences, regardless of what well-meaning friends, family members, colleagues, and random strangers tell us. By walking 4-5 days a week, going to yoga once a week, religiously eating a healthy diet, napping every single day, minimizing my commitments personally and professionally, staying hydrated, and focusing on all the positives of being pregnant, I've been able to create a different reality for myself. That's not to say that we can control everything--I can't control the fact that my liver is starting to malfunction and my blood pressure is rising, but I can control my response to those problems.
Unfortunately, the same "You'll See" mentality affects wedding planning, too. There are so many cultural assumptions around what happens when you plan a wedding. We hear that your wedding will inevitably cost more than you think it will. We hear that you will inevitably have to make decisions to please other people--the list goes on and on.

But the truth is, each of our planning experiences is unique. We can have the kind of weddings we want for ourselves (and the kinds of pregancies we want and the kinds of careers we want). We can make decisions and cultivate our attitudes in ways that align with what we want for ourselves. Nothing is set in stone; nothing is inevitable. The choice is ours.

Of course it helps to hear about others' experiences, but we should be careful about whom we turn to for advice. The choices we make for ourselves definitely affect the outcome. By being intentional and mindful with our decisions, we can greatly influence our realities.

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bridebug said...

Hi Sara, so refreshing to read this, thanks. Your wedding blog posts were really inspiring and helped while I was planning my wedding. We managed to keep the cost down and enjoyed making DIY personal touches. It was a 'can do' attitude of my family that made it work too. Lovely to see you are expecting and wishing you all the best. Jen xx

Kristen said...

Funny, my friend who just gave birth had the same experience. We were over at her house for a clam bake (well, it was crabs actually) a few days after her due date and she was running around in the kitchen and eating crabs and said she felt totally fine! Amazing! so, yes, it seems like this can be a reality, and it is nice to hear the positive side of things.


Unknown said...

I love this!!

I've truly never heard the positives of being pregnant. This really enlightened me.

I truly appreciate your post!

RebeccaK said...

I've been thinking about this post for a day now because a few things about it are bothering me.

(1) You can't always control how you feel when you're pregnant. You've been very fortunate to feel as good as you do, but it's not necessarily because of all the healthy steps you've taken to increase the odds of feeling good during your pregnancy. I know people who've felt exceedingly ill during the first trimester through no fault of their own. And I was in my third trimester during the heat of the summer, which leads to other levels of discomfort. I guess what I'm saying is that while I applaud your healthy pregnancy living steps, I also would like to see a little gratitude for your luck in feeling so good during your pregnancy. If you were in your third trimester during a heat wave in Houston, you might feel a bit puffy or uncomfortable.

(2) As for the analogy to wedding planning, I agree that a change in mindset is useful and helps you save money in the face of the wedding industrial complex. However, not everyone has the time (or the summer off) in order to do a wedding as cheaply as you did. Because of your work situation, it worked for you.

I do enjoy your blog, but these thoughts have been eating at me for awhile.

Jayne said...

I hope your birthing experience is amazing! Hugs to you and your beautiful baby! (When he/she arrives!)

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