Photo by Emily Ebeling
By Melissa Brander
Oh wedding industry, how I came to loathe thee. I think the worst part is the ways that it manifested in my friends.
When I began to plan my December 2010 wedding, two of the things that I knew immediately about what I wanted to wear were that I didn't want to wear make-up and that I didn't want to wear high heels. I thought I had pretty reasonable reasons for this too. I didn't want to wear make-up because I didn't wear it every day and I wanted to be real for my wedding. I didn't want to wear high heels because I don't wear high heels that often and I knew that wearing them all day would make my feet hurt. I wanted to be comfortable.
I ended up telling this to one of my friends, who asked about it, and another one of my friends who was walking by who stopped to say hi. Let's call them A and L. L was adamant that I had to wear make-up and high heels for my wedding. I argued with them for about half an hour, saying things like it was my wedding and I wanted to look like myself and that my husband prefers me without make-up (which they didn't believe). I ended up walking away from that conversation when A asked me, "Well what's the point of getting married if you don't want to be a flawless, perfect, airbrushed bride?" The sad thing is, A was completely serious. I responded back, "Because I love him!"
I think this was when it hit me how much the wedding industry has infiltrated ordinary people, that they think this is the purpose for a wedding. I couldn't believe it, especially since L was in a women's studies class with me where we talked about these issues on a regular basis.
I think the way I coped was to stop sharing details. I didn't want to tell people if I was only going to get criticized. I didn't let them change my mind and when we got married, you better believe that I dressed exactly how I wanted to, make-up free and in flats (well, boots part of the time by virtue of having a winter wedding in Wisconsin). That's why I'm proud to share that picture up there with you. I know that I look beautiful and I know that I felt comfortable too. Do it your way. I want you to feel comfortable. It's your wedding.
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Melissa is an almost-graduated college student double majoring in Writing and Political Science. She has a part-time job in a library. When she's not working or studying, she enjoys playing Mario Kart against her husband and blogging at www.womeneverywhere.wordpress.com.
Nick is eventually going to go back to school for software engineering, but is a stay at home husband right now. He spends his extra time watching lacrosse and playing video games.
Being from Canada, Nick met Melissa when he came back to stay over Thanksgiving holidays with one of her best friends from high school who was his roommate. They struck up a long distance relationship which ended when they got married on December 28th, 2010.
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A huge thank you to Melissa for sharing her story with 2000 Dollar Wedding kindred spirits! If you have an idea for a guest post you would like to write, please send me an e-mail!
